Noozlie's junk

2007-03-04T09:23:00.000-08:00

ok my rabbit, brownie just gave birth 6 days ago to three cute brownie. here are some pictures.

2006-08-31T22:43:00.000-07:00

Why am i so hopeless???

till when must i depend on my parents?? i really feel very bad.. my parents always come with money wheni needed them for school.. n they have spent alot on me.. even her have spent alot on me.. i am so hopeless.. in order to get a job.. i have to get a certificate.. how to get a certificate when i need a job badly?? get it?? how to pay for a certificate when u need a job badly.. this is sickening.. can i pay my parents back?? how can i pay my parents back?? i wonder if i have the future to payback my parents.. n even so if i get a job.. i do not know if i can support myself.. how bout my younger sis?? calling myself a guy.. calling myself the only son in the familly.. a hopeless son.. what the hell.. damn it.. i hate this..

what am i doing?? i wonder if this path im walking is the correct path.. being u musician.. is it the correct path?? i wonder.. but i got a feeling that being a musician for me wont work out.. how can i flutist like me be like my teacher.. my teacher is like god.. i mean his playing is like in god mode.. flawless even when he played slackedly.. what the hell.. issit abit too late to start learning from 15yrs old onwards.. n only had a private flute teacher when im 18yrs old.. n now im 20yrs old... if only i start playing from when i was 7yrs old.. things might be abit different.. maybe alot more different.. k now.. i just realise that im commiting suicide.. joining the competition, having ATCL diploma exam n blablablablaaa.... haiz... exams!!!

i love you..

she gave me strength today.. i showed her a bit of my sedness.. i showed her the me that who is not patient anymore.. i showed her a bit of my dark side.. but then she showed me the light.. i love you dear..

2006-08-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

suddenly i feel like blogging.. how long have it been..?? hahaha.. and tmrw im off to KL.. was looking forward for it so i can come back home quick.. if not.. im gonna be missing smone badly..

hows my life now? i wonder.. its confusing.. i am happy.. very happy.. at the same time, sad. worried. well.. there are a few reasons behind it.

first of all, again this topic.. how far can i go as a flautist?? i wonder.. ive been hearing a lot of ppl saying that i can go far.. but smhow the doubts in me is like, undescribe-able.. the way i play, is far than the standard that im suppose to be at.. n now i dunnoe hw a i gonna survive.. preparing a lot of piece now.. n its damn challenging repertoire.. im getting myself into trouble.. i still dunnoe if i should take my LTCL.. the cash, wont be existing.. n the time is very insufficient.. and the standard, still have an Everest to climb.. so yeah.. im in big trouble..

do u know how sad it is, to know that u have to let go one day, eventhough u do not one too.. worse still, the time u hae to let go, have alrdy been set n u know the time.. everyday, i will be thinking of that day.. its so sad that i even broke down n cry.. i still cant imagine how to let u go.. i love you more than anything else.. i really do..

other than that, im very happy.. im a happy man.. to see the face, glitters my day, everyday.. i cant say anything else other than being happy..

ok im totally lost to y the hell u give me such attitude towards me.. i tot ure a friend that i look up to, that i respect.. but im sick of ur attitude alrdy.. i though wrong.. ure not the person i know last time.. 4get it.. hope ure happy in life.

smtimes 2 ppl cant be tgt.. nt even friends.. so be it that way.. im alrite with it.. im sure she too.. i think its better for her.. so yeah.. dont worry bout it dear..

DR.KAN IS CRAZY!!! k she's not crazy, she's just nuts, insane, brain damage n blabla!!!! she is spoon feeding us!!! imagine smone wants to feed u food!!! but instead the person gives u a list of ingredient.. n u have to find the ingredient, world-widely!!! and then on ur own, cook it.. n feed urself.. argh!!!!!

thats all i have to say now.. ciaoz..

2006-06-25T04:08:00.000-07:00

what a week i had..

how far can i go as a flautist? wat will i become?? playing first for orchestra.. gosh they must have the worse 1st flautist ever.. and den principal player for band.. y am i in such place when my standard is not even there for 2nd flautist for orc.. y r they looking up at a flautist who can even sightread.. y so many ppl believe in me? its scary.. they believe in the wrong person.. i cant play for nuts.. i dont understand those ppl.. regardless of how lousy i am.. they still look up at me.. i respect them.. its just that.. im a player who is not even there yet to be respected.. im afraid i cant be wat they want me to be..

am i cursed? with this disease i have.. my whole body.. instead of skin.. its looks like scales.. its look like some alien.. gosh.. every nite i suffer.. every nite i teared.. every nite i scratch.. everynite my bed smell of blood.. every nite i smell of corpse.. every nite i didnt sleep.. every nite i feel pain.. n every time i go to bath.. i teared.. the pain.. its just..... unbearable.. n my heart.. smtimes it aches.. pls God.. u wanna take me away.. do it asap.. i dont mind.. its all up to u..

i cant wait for them to be separated.. ive been hearing the divorce thingy my whole life.. i dont give a fuck anymore.. go ahead.. do wat yall want.. just dont drag me in.. if u do.. i hate both of u for life!!

y am i getting sad everyday over smone who really care.. she probably hates u.. but y do u want to keep the friendship badly Nuzli?? y must you get so upset and u miss everything in the world.. n its been a week uve been like this.. gosh.. i tink i need to move on regardless of losing a friend.. but i cant do that.. i cant lose this one.. not just this very friend of mine.. im not giving it up.. not just yet.. thru all this time.. that friend is one of my closest.. i guess its just time.. need more time i guess.. but missing ya..

to my friends who have been trying to cheer me up.. dats wat i call friends.. thank you..

2006-05-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

the result of my bordam

last nite i took out my young's sis drawing block n started drawing.. its been a long time since i last drew.. den when i took out the drawing paper, there's a roughly sketched sunflower.. k decided to finish it up.. n also decided to put some colours, since all my art works are black n white drawings n sketches.. haha... cant help it but dats my style.. but a sunflower without colour.. er.... n bit no life ah... its my first time i use colour in my art and my firstbtim im using colour pencils.. ouh i bought the faber castle.. n its damn ex lah.. so don't wanna waste..

as u can see.. its just the top part dats done..

this is when i finish up abit of the main leaf.. its kinda light.. n kinda too bright..

on the left leaf.. abit of shadings of 2 different browns..

k the left leaves done with 4 different kind of browns n kind of greens.. ahaha.. doesnt look i used dat many kind of colour..

and now the stem is almost done..

so everything is almost done.. but im not really satisfied with the main leaf.. too dull.. too blunt.. not enough colour.. n too green.. i used the wrong green for this.. doesnt match with the left leaves n stem...

as u can see.. there's this reddish colour dat the stem and the left leaves dont have.. this is the wrong green.. hehe.. n brighter green... ouh well...

this is the final touch.. main leaf was given more colour.. but still i dont really like it.. coz the gree doesnt match with the rest.. ouh well.. quite proud of it since this is my first time using colour pencils n my first artwork with colours.. i used 4 shades of browns, 2 shades of oranges, yellow, 3 shades of greens and.. i think dats all.. so wat dya think?? kinda ugly rite?? haha.. ouh well.. but i dont keep my artwork one.. sadly... haha.. ciaoz..

2006-05-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

the black box im trapped in

i feel so lonely at home.. it feels like smthing big is missing in my life.. it feels like ive got nobody anymore.. wat is this feeling? i hate holidays.. at home all alone in my room.. thnking n thinking.. y must i think? n all i think is all bout the past.. memories.. well i have great memories n some bad ones.. eventhough the great memories gave me tears.. friendship of the past is great while the present is not.. eventhough friends are everything to me, but i feel like, all i have left are just ghost.. n now.. it feels like i got nobody to talk to.. it feels like i have no close ones anymore.. everyone have slipped away.. why? y do i feel this way? what have i done? or rather.. what am i doing? my phone.. is quiet like hell.. even if im online.. i will have to hunt smbody to talk to me.. but eventhough i hunt, i cant find any prey.. this is dreadful.. i cant smile anymore.. becoz i only smile for my loved ones.. but now.. it feels like i never had any.. issit becoz im no use for those ppl anymore.. thats y i feel it this way.. if tats the case, ppl have been using me? y do i feel that way? becoz every single time ppl needs me to talk with, they will be there.. acting nice.. n i will always be there.. trying hard to be there.. to hear those ppl cry, to listen to their problems, to crack my head n try to solve their problem, to try to get them to smile, to betray smone else n save a friend, to betray the trust of a friend to save another so called friend.. but if they found smone else for all that.. i am in no use anymore.. or issit im user friendly.. easy to use.. but once not use-able, off u go to the trash can..

what have i become? i think im spoilt.. i am so afraid of ppl that i cant believe in ppl anymore.. if i trust, always been betrayed.. stabbed in the back.. what have i done?? i will never say stuff bout ppl i trust.. but y the ppl i trust do it to me? must i trust them? am i trust-able? i always trying my best to keep wat need to be kept.. ive always try my best to be the trust-worthy to the ppl who see me that way n trust me.. but wat have i done for them to turn against me? wat have i done? y do ppl get close to me n den there they go.. y? issit they tot im smone trust-able, but they were wrong.. if so wat have i done? ive been trying.. n keep trying to keep my friends.. but one by one.. walk off... as a result.. i dont trust ppl anymore.. i dont even know if i should trust my close ones..omg..wat have i become.. i feel like im a beast.. a self fish beast who live for himself.. n will not explore the world.. but stay in a dark cave by himself.. n let the days past by while his body rot..

y am i is so melancholy?

i feel like talking to ppl.. but who can i trust?

must i start believing in ppl?

but wat if they dagger me in the back?

wat if im just a user friendly thing to them?

where have Nuzli been?

Nuzli always trust ppl..

always been smilling with ppl..

but now he had vanished..

in thin air..

or in the woods..

in the dark cave..

whatever it is...

ill just wait..
under the heavily pouring rain..
to be sheltered again..
by a friend who i see thy as saint..

2006-04-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

can smone who is bloody hard working and who believes in him/herself defeat a prodigy?

well my answer is, its possible. coz in the end of the day.. both are humans.. both have the same organs.. both have brains..

y do misicians get demoralised easily? when i first started out in NAFA.. i dun even know how to play major scales.. dun even know how to double tongue.. nv tried before.. when i first started out in nafa, in band practises, i only manage to sight read 1 bar.. n my tone suck to the freaking core.. well i can see my PS teacher gave up on me.. practically gave up.. n my class will be the shortest, because my ps teacher gave up on me.. but that didnt stop me.. when i got in year 1.. there are freaking good players around.. they are damn good.. they played the flute for 10 years while ive only played for 3+ years that time.. its is so demoralising.. smhow i tot, ive chose the wrong path of study.. but.. friends around me keep supporting me.. for me.. without those good players in sch.. i wont improve.. smhow i change the disadvantage to an advantage for me.. from getting demoralise over knowing there are super human flautist in sch, i challenge myself to be as good as them.. and so.. i didnt give up.. n keep on going.. eventhough my ps teacher gave up on me.. smhow i change everything the othher way round.. i work hard and show him wrong.. well actually to the standard i am now, i am quite proud of myself.. to play challenging repertoire.. u know something.. last time, i always tot its imposible, until i got it.. n thet i learn, that it is impossible..

today.... 2 student in sch was upset coz their ps teacher either chase them out or tell tem to give up... i told them both, they totally 4got to what is the feeling of hardship to get there.. coz they r now fucking good.. well i conclude with them 4getting the hardship they had when my ps teacher gave up on me.. but that doesnt stop me.. i'll make sure i prove him wrong.. n now, im half way there.. well dun get demoralise or upset or the feeling of giving up by just that.. dont be a pussy.. ahahaha.. show them that tey were definitely wrong.. show what u can do... show who u realy are..

for me.. i have an ambition.. to prove the world that smone who is hardworking can defeat a prodigy. well its not an easy ambition to achieve.. well i believe in myself.. n keep going and will nv give up...

2006-03-11T00:30:00.000-08:00

HAPPY B'DAY STEPH!!!

Well it was steph's bday half an hour ago.. haha.. well really had hardcore teamwork with angela to finish up steph's memorable n hilarious bday present.. well its really time taking.. since its a bday present dat wasnt really bought.. made by us purely with our own heart.. to make her bday gift.. lasted around 8 hours? haha..

i just deleted a poem.. a poem of how dumb a lover can be.. how rock headed they can be.. haiz.. how i wish the past is the present.. i feel stupid typing this.. miss the past.. miss u..

2006-03-10T08:30:00.000-08:00

2006-03-04T19:12:00.000-08:00

weikang weikang
the funny wacky punk
never fails to make people laugh
even when they already had enough
you're a very nice friend
always there for me, when i thought my life would end
always been seeing him smiling and laughing
but now it turns into a different scene
his wide streched smile
had becum so dull
and now even his smiles seems fake
i wonder what's troubling his head

weikang weikang
what's up with the bimbo slut
it seems the impact is quite hard
to ask you if you're alright
would be a stupid one alright
but for you to use the word 'fuck'
your anger must be hitting u hard
who are those bad fishes uve seen?
r they the type that stink?
who is this slut u mentioned?
any of them from my circle of friends?

weikang weikang
relax n cool down
so how?
if i happen to be that slut
i apologise from the bottom of my heart
sometimes i make mistake unconciously
and hurt ppl tremendously
if the swarm of bad fishes or the bimbo slut
happen to be within my circle of friends, which i never doubt
plz plz plz plz plz inform me
my friends killing each other is smthing i never wanted to see
lets talk things out okie?
so that we live together happily

weikang weikang
do you believe in giving chances?
accepting an apology without demanding any answers?
if that someone who hurt you so much
realise that he/she have been harsh
no matter how bad he/she did to you
from backstabbing to destroying your life for you
and God gave him/her a light of realisation
and want to repent all his/her sins before they left and their body burnt
and walking a road to God
with guilts of all sought

sorry.. yah.. my england is berry powderfool.. just wanna let u noe.. ure a friend i respect.. n friends r the only family i have.. thats the fact i have to face.. my friends hurting each other affcted me alot.. since yall the only ppl i have.. i hope u will tell me.. smhow.. even if its not from the circle of my friends.. i still wanna hear it.. hehe.. for me to know ur point of view.. n also my point of view.. from there.. we can settle things out.. well.. kinda scary seing u so down.. n also kinda miss the wacky you.. alrite.. ciaoz..

2006-02-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

this morning.. saw eudora practising.. went in.. n told her to come fo my concert which is next month.. the 5 march.. den she said.. 'next week rite?' den i was like.. 'no lah.. next 2 weeks..' den she said.. 'dun scare me lah.. its next week.' 'u dun scare me ah.. i just got my solo piece last week..' den i check my phone for calender.. 'OMG ITS NEXT WEEK!!!!'

from den.. i took out my flute n practise.. i was damn worried n stress the whole day.. coz i havnt even play the lsat part finish.. n i have to memorise it.. its insane lah.. i was given only 3 weeks to learn n memorise the solo b4 i perform it? at esplenade concert hall sumore.. its insane lah!! i got so many things to do in sch manz.. play for composition n recording.. haiz.. the most pressure i recieve if playing the solo next sunday.. i still feel nervous when i stand on the stage as a soloist.. but den im trying to figure out a way.. i think to enjoy my playing is very important..

den i still have to play for platform next wed.. n also the following wed.. n i have to do recording for some ppl composition exam.. n den next week got harmony test.. n the following week got listening exam.. this is insane.. i feel pressured like hell..

2006-02-19T17:36:00.000-08:00

my life is getting more complicated n.. exciting? God noes...

WHY DOES IT TURNS OUT THIS WAY?
haiz.. yah i wonder too.. ofcoz i felt it.. n it hurts me too.. its even hurts me more if u didnt noe.. smhow.. the friends around me r havin some probs with u.. for God noes y? i wonder y my friends around me doesnt wants to solve things thru communication.. they just got angry n keep cursing.. when i ask y so dat i can figure out a way to solve things out thru communication.. this is for u pinky.. i got really pissed off dat day by you.. i asked you y so i can try to sot things out coz im gonna talk to her.. but no.. you threw me away.. with ur rage conquering your own self.. n keep on cursing.. but hey my friend no offense.. if u keep doing dat.. ure not any further from calling urself a bitch.. if u dun realise.. im sure there is a way.. ONE THING I HATE BOUT THIS CLASS IS THEY DUN FUCKING COMMUNICATE N BOND!!!! im sorry but i have to put it here girl.. but everytime u say dat word for her.. it hurts me badly.. it really hurts me.. i was very patient the other day that i kept quiet.. n remain quiet.. pinky, smurf n elmo.. (haha.. suddenly got those weird names..) i love 3 of u manz.. 3 of u r the ones who opened the door to be in the group with yall while i was.. when i was practically abondoned.. but den in the same time ure hurting me like nobody's buiseness.. yall dun understand wat shit im in.. its not easy.. haha.. still remember audrey complain 'ITS so complicating'.. n pinky, u say that she wun change.. ure definitely wrong!! i hope this will reach yall.. if this entry hurts any 3 of u.. i apolagise.. truely i am.. but i think to communicate is important.. its better to sot things out than hate.. i mean y is this world having war? its becoz of human.. they act before they think.. n they look down at each other.. n they dun even try to sit n sot things out for the better.. fuck this world..

Btwn us?
well this one for my another friend.. for last time, i wouldnt even noe if im ur frien.. to me.. ure still my friend.. im saying that out withoutany hesitant.. if im not ur friend.. i wouldnt have been under ur side when i noe ppl see u in a different way.. btwn us.. is kinda complicated.. before u felt awkward to talk to me, i was alrdy awkward to talk to u.. very.. i felt dat i was pushed aside.. at one period of time.. i wonder if im actually ur friend.. well.. if u didnt noe.. its hurts me badly.. real badly.. dats the period of time when my mood is always down down n down.. from den.. i feel this tense awkwardness whenever i see u.. well so i tot.. ive lost a friend.. n tot.. as long as ure happy with ya life.. n think its better this way.. im hurt its okie as long as nobody else was hurt.. but den eventually i was wrong.. i tot u were okie with it.. so i dun really care nymore.. at one period of time i even say 'i dun give a fuck nymore'.. till u ask me.. am i alrite.. i was like.. wats up with her.. y suddenly? so i dun care.. n dats when u felt awkward to even see me n talk to me.. while i felt awkward to talk to u n see u.. there's alot more.. this only the summary.. i hope i got time to talk to u on monday n sot things out.. everything..

haiz......................................................................................

2006-02-03T13:38:00.000-08:00

flashing back.. last time i had a conversation wif jobyna.. she said.. dat being a performing musician wont have a life.. coz ull be practising the whole time.. n wun enjoy ur youth.. well i totally agree with her.. so far.. i had no life.. everyday practise n practise.. not enjoyin my youth.. maybe this is y im drifting from so many ppl and turn abit anti-social(for those who noes me from secondary sch, dat is so not very me) and my mood swinging drastically.. how can i get a life? the ppl im close to in sch nt there.. damn.. the same old thing.. i wonder if the ppl so called friends in my class even remember to bring me along if they have an outing or smthing.. my phone is simply quiet.. evrytime i look at my phone, i smiled.. n wondering y aint there anyone out there calls me.. haha..

k this is abit stupid.. but this tot just struck my mind.. wondering if any ppl so called friends out there remember me if i die.. well i wun noe till i die.. so.. i leave this aside first.. well i still miss the ppl who is truely called friends.. jovan n joice.. aiyah.. y must they leave the sch.. well i still got joice.. but wun be really seeing her in school.. haiz... well her wife will be playing next sat.. kinda curious to watch her play.. always happy to see a young musician succeed..

in sch.. sm ppl just ignores me.. well..y?? maybe its my fault.. what should i do? damn... i never had problems with friends.. im a happy go lucky type of person.. n always have plenty of friends.. n too plenty dat i dun really care if i lose one.. maybe dats where the prob comes from.. well i shall learn my lesson..

not long ago.. yi wei asked me.. wats my aim in life.. when i was sec 2.. a teacher asked me.. i cant answer my teacher.. but den later on.. i noe wats my aim of life.. n only recently yi wei asked me the same question.. took me a long time t find the answer.. n gave the the wrong answer.. dats not the answer i should answer u yi wei.. smday i tell u the answer..

when i was a boy.. i always at the window.. gazing, or rather, thinking.. i mss doing those stuff.. i miss my childhood.. im not ready to be 20.. im not.. well jobyna said dat 20 i still young.. n should enjoy my youth... maybe i should..

how i wish im enjoying outside with ppl i call them friends..

2006-01-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

tomaso antonio vitali

a baroque composer and also a violinist.. he composed a fabulous piece called CHACONNE.. its a beautiful violin piece.. lisuan's dream piece.. i believe she can play it.. i wonder what was vitali's feeling when he composed the piece.. such sadness.. when listening to it, all i can feel sadness.. pure sadness.. n it will drives ur emotions till u cry.. dats just listening.. if i can play play the violin n if i can play this.. i will play my heart out.. i will play till i cry.. i show the audience how sad a person i am.. if only there are drastic n tragic emotional pieces for flute.. i think i can do best at those pieces.. vitali.. y do u compose such sad piece? what have got into you? what makes u so sad? thru ur piece, the sadness is very intense.. the pressure dat u having.. n it feels like smone who is sad want to commit suicide..

last nite i had a dream.. there's a violinist up on stage with an orchestra behind her.. she was expressing to her very limit while playing.. she was playing the chaconne.. n from far i can see her face glitters.. thats becoz of her tears streaking her face.. im in the crowd of audience, drew near the stage.. when i was at the side stage.. she was playing her last few bars.. she was pushing her violin hard.. letting all her emotions out.. n can feel her sadness.. n den she wasplaying her last few notes.. giving everything she got.. it was an amazing performance.. she den played her last note, stretching it long and den finish it n broke down.. she was on the floor.. stage floor.. the environment was pure silent except for her cries.. she was crying.. n i went over to her.. she looked up to me.. n i gave her my hand.. pulled her up.. n she hugs me.. holding me tight.. the crowd gave her a splendid applause.. from the stage i can see waves at the audience as they stands up unevenly.. she was still holding me tight.. n saying 'i love you'.. in my dreams, she was my love.. to be by her side when she needed it, was really an amazing feeling.. n to hear my love playing chaconne was another amazing feeling..

but it was only a dream..

2006-01-14T19:33:00.000-08:00

the reason i dun wanna blog is coz it will be depressing.. coz i wasnt really happy nowadaes.. everyone seems so far from me.. i dunnoe how to put it..

i was damn pissed this morning.. i woke up at 9am just to ge to sch n pract for my ps at 1.45pm.. but when he reach school.. he said.. "can ur lesson postpon to tmrw.." k i was like.. "hmmm.. ok no prob.." but in my heart was.. "F*** YOU!! i came all the way from woodlands to bugis just to hear u say my lesson's postpon to tmrw!! cant u f***ing use ur initiative to call me?!" went home straight..

ive been thnking more then ive always do.. ive always been thinking all the time.. till ppl said dat i like to daydream.. but ive been thinking more then usually do.. every sec.. y must i think so much.. y cant u just dun think.. i got trouble sleeping coz of this.. i can only sleep around 3-4am everyday.. coz by then my brain is too tired to think anymore.. i havnt had enuff sleep coz of this.. haiz..

ive been searching for her.. everytime im there, ill be searching for her.. y? though i know its really no use.. y should i search for her? y cant i just stop searching for her.. it bugs me almost whatsever im doing.. especially when i was practising.. i cant practise porperly.. y must i be in this kinda trouble? i dunnoe what should i do.. whenever she's there, ill be facing away from her.. i dunnoe y.. everytime.. she's in my mind.. n most of the time it was in the past.. whereby we were close.. whereby i dun have to search for her.. coz smhow she's always there.. i miss the times when we do things tgt.. but all that r just smthing from the past.. i dunnoe wats gonna happen in the future.. its up to fate i guess..

there's 1 particular person in school who used to be my friend, have ignored me totally.. God noes y.. a person who use to take the train from my hometown tgt.. n now.. not even a word reaches her.. tried to talk to her.. she ignored me totally.. n make me as if im talking to the 4 walls around me.. smtimes this kinda ppl.. i just feel like stickout my middle finger to them n shout WHAT THE F*** IS UR PROBLEM!! but its okie.. im not as impatient as some ppl..

my new mini plan(wingspan 1m. dats the mini.. if the original size.. the wind span is: use ur imagination) had her first maiden flight.. first time flying an electric plane.. so abit idiot with the electronic.. usually fuel powered.. well.. flew it with half throttle only.. coz i only charge the batt for a few mins.. how dumb can i be.. haha.. broke one of my propeller.. lucky got a spare one..

i dunnoe wat to do with my life nymore.. its always been like this.. there this smone im close with.. n den she's so far away.. haiz... its sad.. should i just be anti-social.. n not talk to anyone n have no friends.. i think its more safe that way.. haiz.. no matter wat.. i leave it to fate..

roger out..

2006-01-05T00:19:00.000-08:00

never felt so lonely in class before.. never been so quiet in class before.. never been anti-social in class before.. it feels like smthing big really missing.. was upset just now in sch.. real upset.. when i seat in class.. i looked on my left.. n den on my right.. both my rite n left was empty.. when i was in class.. the class seems alienified to me.. it feels like i never knew them.. 2 of my closest friend, aint there with my anymore.. n now.. the big motif of going to school seems to vanish.. i was sad.. upset.. depress.. i got no friends.. real gd friends..

first left was an important friend.. she's the closest friend i had in school.. n den now.. she's not there nymore.. the person dat i really trust.. the person that i consult to.. the person that i will always laff with.. the she's person that ive laff with the most.. one of the only person in school i can really be myself.. there will always be jokes to crack.. without any failure.. things to bitch.. ideas to share.. the daily friendship we had.. the things we did together.. wat a beauty our friendship is.. always eager to go to sch n have fun with her.. the past.. the memories.. its so beautiful.. but now.. she's missing.. this morning.. i opened my locker.. n stare at the locker.. feeling the sadness.. usually.. everytime i open the locker.. she will be on my side.. but now.. im opening it alone.. usually.. at the locker.. i feel like her voice n mine r the loudest.. n now.. its so quiet.. n in school.. no matter where we r.. it feels like we r the only ones talking, active.. n now.. only the illusion of her voice echoed the the sch.. most of the time.. when i go for lunch.. she will be with me.. n talk bout lots of crap.. but now.. i eat alone.. almost every tuesday.. we will eat at carl's junior.. but now.. ive got nobody to eat there with.. when walking to classes or going smwhere or whenever im wit her.. she always tell me sotries bout stuff.. but now.. im just listening to my heaphone n walk to classes with my head down.. it feels very lonely without her..

after that, he left.. the only guy dat i consult to.. had bunch of laffters with him.. jokes to crack.. been a friend since 2 years ago.. gd friends.. share our guys stuff together.. always there to crack out jokes.. when i was practising at the staircase.. it feels so awkward when theres not clarinet blasting at te stairecase n disturb me.. when i practice.. always didnt watch the time.. n overshot my practise time n late for class.. n today.. i was practising n didnt look at the time.. n miss the whole class.. usually.. he's always there n call me for class.. but now.. no more.. when i practise.. he usually ask me to take a break n have a tea downstaires.. but now.. just drag my legs to the watercooler.. n had my breaks alone.. when i was doing nthing.. he's always the one dat persuade me to go smwhere or do smthing.. but now.. all i see is an illusion.. last time.. always share money n buy ciggies.. n always smoke together.. n all of it.. becum memories now..

for some ppl.. its just a small prob.. but its not for me.. when they are the only ppl im with.. n now.. i have no friends.. i got nobody to have a real laffter with.. nobody to bitch with.. nobody to talk n make me feel like we are the only ppl who's active in sch.. nobody to share my life with.. nobody dat makes me eager to go to sch.. nobody to crack jokes with.. nobody.. no stories to listen to..

n some ppl who i use to be close with, have drifted away far from me.. was once close to me.. shared jokes.. bitching.. n blablabla.. going to sch together.. but all now r just memories..

one by one my close ones was drifted away.. in my life.. my friends r everything.. coz i got nobody at home, other tham my dad.. but now even my friends r gone.. one by one.. going away.. how sad can my life be?

so many ppl i miss.. feel like crying.. but i dunnoe how..

2005-12-25T23:05:00.000-08:00

SNOW FIGHT ROCKS!!!!!
k not really snow fight..

yesterday..
well it was a boring day at first.. den gonna mee cheryl in the evening.. k i was kinda early or smthing n must must wait for her to finish her 2 hours dinner with her frinds.. erm.. sick of waiting.. n i bought a packof cigies.. k i really hope dats thats the last pack of the year..

k den finally met her.. n she acc me for dinner.. den we walk in the crowd from ceniplex to fareast.. we walked real carefully.. it was very pack! den suddenly theres sudden war of snow spray.. we r like always for a lookout forthose ppl with the spray can..

den met up with cheryl's other group of friends.. prash, nadia n das.. n blablabala.. den me n cheryl walk back to taka to meet up wit her friends dat had dinner with.. den from paragon we need to cross.. rite after we crossed.. i saw a lot of snow war!! cheryl tried to run n go with a safer n different route.. but i drag her in.. ouh n i bought a can of it.. eventhouh cheryl dun let me buy.. haha.. n joined the war abit.. den meet up with cheryl friends.. n cheryl herself recommend them to go in the crowd n get snowed.. lol..

den we creat a chain.. holding each other.. we just run thru the crowd.. n get snowed.. haha.. with my leading the chain.. u r sure to get snowed.. k den we go meet up with prash, nadia n das group.. k nobody there will agree with nadia that buying the snow spray will be fun except me.. but after telling them the review of myself getting into one of those wars.. haha.. they had a change of mine.. the bought like 6 cans.. den we share it among ourselves..

we ran into the crowd n spray to everyone.. i knew no one there.. n i just spray like nobody's buiseness.. n all of us had wars between groups.. its like.. AWESOME!!! haha.. even cheryl had her own spray can.. we try to stick together..coz its really cramp.. seriously.. ur north,south,east,west.. humans.. just humans.. u wanna noe how cramp? try to lean on the wall n get smone to lean on u.. dats how cramp it is.. but we just keep spraying!! hahahaa!!!

k den at one point.. theres n indian lady.. she was like screaming,"stop this pushing.. plz stop.." iobviously nobody can hear her.. n crowd is like a repelled magnet.. they keep pushing.. i saw dat indian lady having claustrophobia.. i took her.. n drag her to the side.. it wasnt easy.. but i force my way thru.. thanks to the strength dat God gave.. den we continue our fun.. k the girls r behind me.. so im acting like a wall..

den we were out of spray cans.. den prash had a smart idea to continue the fun.. by taking the snow from ppl who get sprayed n den wipe it to ppls face.. i called it recycling!! k i just go to smone who get sprayed n say,"hey let me help u cleaning it up." at one point.. there's smone who had her face n body "nicely" sprayed.. her friend was taking pic for her.. den i just went up to her.. took some of it n say thank you.. haha.. the one who's taking the pic just laff..

wat i did went i had lots of snow was.. just tap smones shoulder.. n the person will turn to me.. just say merry christmas.. n wipe it all to the persons face.. woooohoooo!! den we went home.. after so much fun..

2005-12-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

yesterday.. i had a fun side read performance.. atleast 10piece repertoire.. n none of them ive seen it.. went up on stage.. getting rdy to play.. all i can rely on is my side reading skills.. im playing firs flute in a chamber orc.. one n only 1st flute.. n none of the music ive seen before..

5hrs before
went to sch.. n meet yi wei for a tea.. well we had a long chat..

3hrs later
meeting ruth, vanessa, jovan and shufeng at amk.. reach there exactly at 6pm, as promised.. wellden suddenly a SHORT guy came up to me.. wearing white top n black bottom.. same as me.. with bloody red hair.. den i realise its jovan.. his hair is bloody red!!! i was like,"WTF!!! OMG!! OMG!! WTF!! OMG!!" ofcoz i said those in my mind.. dats y there were a long pause went i saw him.. k his aunt did it for him..

10mins later
ruth came..

20mins later
finally shufeng n vanessa came.. hey hey..is like me n jovan the only ones who came rite on the dot.. hey guys leh.. n were early!!! girls so slow!!! haha.. we planned to have dinner tog.. but in the end we didnt.. haha..we took a bus down..

1hour later
k ive took my flute alrdy.. k all set.. i assume that there's gonna be a run thru.. so i tot its not that bad lah.. since there's a run thru.. can learn the music during the run thru.. so i wait n wait n wait.. wait till 2 adults had finish 2 games of billard.. den finally all set to go in.. k the stage kinda small.. it was a chamber orc.. not really big.. so its okie.. den they had prayers.. k i was panicking a little.. coz its not really rite.. u noe me playing for church with lots of prayers.. i got scared.. shufeng saw me panicking i guess.. den she said its nothing.. n she start talking to me.. i was a little calm.. by den.. coz i was recalling my intention.. my intention is to play only.. so its okie lah.. its just a couple of prayers.. k its was quite a lot n long.. but den i can tell that those ppl love God.. den i ask shufeng.. k now we just side read perform.. dun have run thru huh? haha.. so yah theres no run thru.. darn..

a few hours later.. cant remember how long..
we went to eat at R.K.Eating house!!!!! jova was like,"omg.. rebecca kan eating house!!!" k we had a real feast.. n everyone was like wah nice nice.. i think we were just too hungry.. haha.. we had ROJAK!!! i bougth mee kuah and mushroom with cheese prata.. damn full!!!

k dats all folks!! ciao..

2005-12-22T00:59:00.000-08:00

its my birthday.. yah yah whatever....

every bday i feel miserable.. k now its alrdy 12+ so it was yesterday.. i was miserable on the morning of my bday, coz i was deadly miserable the day before my bday n also the day before it.. i was like SWEARING!!! well.. at noon of my bday my dad, mom, yng sis n me went to my granma(my mom's side) house.. k i was still deadly miserable.. there i switched on my unc's playstation 2 n played NFS2 till around 5pm.. den my mom, yng sis n me took a bus to costa sands resorts chalet.. its a familly chalet which is on my moms side.. so ill be seeing all my uncs n aunts.. how miserable can that be.. n its on my bday.. but last week.. ive warned my mom not to tell nyone bout my bday..

reach at the chalet.. n saw my unc starting to bbq.. k i was thnking.. i better not be too miserable.. n spoil the peeps mood there.. so aight i took over my uncs.. n bbq.. i kept bbq.. satay, fish, sotong, chicken, u name it.. im doing a one man show.. well its a great experience.. den suddenly one of my aunt said,"nuzli.. today is ur bday rite? u think i dunnoe issit?" k i was damn surprised.. den my aunt n my unc started to come to me n shake my hand n wish me happy bday.. well i was damn paiseh.. not use to this kind of stuff..

to my surprise, it was my cuz that told my aunt it was my bday.. well.. i got no connections with him.. n he wasnt close to me.. but again.. thanks for remembering my bday.. so i continue bbq.. almost one man show.. ive been doing it from 6 till around 11? haha.. im enjoying it actually.. den i took a rest n sat on the stairecase.. i was tired.. den smone put a box on my laps.. i was like huh? i looked at the box.. it says swensen.. n i was like omg!! den one of my onc started the song.. bday song.. i was damn damn paiseh.. i covered my face with my towel.. in my life.. i think its the first time i recieved a bday song from such big familly.. n all from my dad's side.. which im not really close too.. i almost cried.. i was happy.. open the box n there's dried ice.. oooh.. cool.. den i was like starting to open n close the box sulmitanously(watever the spelling is).. vapor shooting out of the box.. took of the platic by the side of the cake(ouh by the way.. its an ice cream cake.. thats the first time i got an icecream cake for bday.. n its from swensen..) n den pretend to throw it.. but went to my cuz n give her a creamy make up.. lol.. when my familly wanna took off for home.. all my aunt n unc shook my hand n wish me blabalablabal.. the most touching one is my granma.. i was actually crying when my granma wished me.. wispering to my ears n den kissed me(all over my face.. wahaha..)..

one of my greatest bday ever.. i was really touched.. thanks to everyone there.. n thanks to ppl so gave me bday msged.. n who remembered the day i was born.. thanks again.. ciaoz..

2005-12-20T23:53:00.000-08:00

im feeling miserable.. every birthday im feeling miserable.. i cant understand y? but there's a picture that told me that not every birthday im miserable.. there's a photo of a boy.. a small boy.. just started kindergarten.. in the picture he was smilling.. his mouth was fully vandalised with cream from the birthday cake.. he looked very happy.. it was his day.. he leaned his elbow on the shoulder of the chair n show off his fingers that is covered with cream.. how i wish that boy stayed that happy even after 15 years later.. but that boy turned out to be the opposite.. i cant remember how was it.. eventhou i have picture memory.. i cant remember that birthday.. all i can remember was bad memories.. this i what happen when u have an over-flowing of bad memories..

ive been playing an X-JAPAN song on my cant be tuned guitar the whole day today.. everytime i play the song.. tears.. nthing else but tears.. n i played it quite well.. Amethyst is the title..

for my friends who realised that i spaced out easily.. n always daydreaming.. actually i was thinking.. if im not thinking den im flashing back my memories.. most of the time its bad memories.. one of the bad memories that have been haunting me for like 13 years is when i was sitting on the dinning table with my mom n 2 elder sis.. my younger sis not born yet.. my eldest sis was talking bout the zoo trip we went the day before.. it was funny.. n i laughed.. n my mom n both my sisters said.. "dun laff like we like u here.. the only person that likes u is ur dad.. nobody here in the familly likes u.." when i was a kid.. i saw ppl with elder sis.. n i envy them.. eventhou i have 2.. at home.. we r totally transparent.. n i never talk to my sis before.. as in never had a conversation before in my life.. none of them.. i cant remember if i had any conversation with my mom when i was a kid.. i feel so lonely.. especially during the holiday.. i thank God that i atleast have a great dad in my familly.. or rather the only familly i have..

the only big familly i have is my friends.. this is y i cant wait for school to reopen.. n i miss a few ppl.. the person that i miss the most is my god youngsis pui kheng.. how i wish u could be my side now.. i need u the most rite now.. i miss her.. really miss her.. n there's smone else i miss.. a friend that im always happy to be with.. i mean im always happy whenever im with her.. im always barely flashing back my bad memories when im with her.. miss her smack.. miss her presence.. haha.. talking bout smacking.. i miss pui khengs smack the most.. omg.. im actually smilling rite now.. i miss hanging out with joice.. hanging out with her are the times when i am myself..

im not looking forward for tomorow.. i hope my life ends in sleep.. but i noe that most likely wun happen.. ciao..

2005-12-20T13:27:00.000-08:00

yesterday had a bbq.. when i returned.. i recieved hell.. fuck u bitch!! ill post smthing later.. ive got no mood.. n i hate birthdays.. coz i hope i would have never been born..

2005-12-18T23:15:00.000-08:00

last nite was one of my F-ed UP nites!!!.. my left knee was smting wrong.. strikes of pain conquering!! my back.. it feels like breaking!!! keep cracking it coz it really aching!! both my legs were aching.. i dunnoe wat happen back there.. i feel like a PREGNANT women!!!

im alrite now.. ouh shucks!! im late for recording..!!! oh well.. nthings new.. gonna have BBQ with my previous year ones!!! lols.. gonna post some pics later i guess... for now adios amigos.. ciao!!

2005-12-18T06:58:00.001-08:00

GOT MY HAIRCUT!!

i dun even noe if i really like my hairstyle now.. it's smthing new for me.. or maybe i need to get use to my new hairstyle.. but i noe i like the way winnie(my hairstylist) looks like whent she cut my hair.. like before, she always have this serious look on her face went she cut my hair.. the first time that she use a whole lot of clip to clip my hair.. i told her to cut mohawk like.. so she clips my hair on the left n right side of my head.. from my forehead all the way down to my neck.. imagine how many clips she needa use just for that.. haha.. well today was the longest haircut i ever had in my entire life.. 1 an a half hours.. she's really particular bout each and every strand of my hair.. haha.. thats y she's my hairsylist..

A TastE of DePrEsSiOn
for the past 2 days.. ive been abit depress.. y? well its about smthing.. i wun say it out here.. whereby EVERYONE will read this piece of shucks.. lol.. cant say shit huh? well if im not telling den y am i blogging.. when i depress blogging isone of the cure to make me feel better.. its my medicine..

longing for your voice

2005-12-12T23:45:00.000-08:00

k i think its time to blog.. well let tok bout wat happened 2 days ago..

Sunday!!
Bloodey hell.. Sunday was a BLOODY SUNDAY for me.. hell yeah.. it was my unc’s wedding.. it’s a typical malay wedding.. normal buffet at the void deck.. very typical of malay wedding.. so there r 5 of us who is in charge of cleaning the plates n utencils.. im 1 of them.. 1stly let me remind u, it’s a bloody buffet.. so ppl keeps coming.. n they will come anytime they want.. since it’s a buffet.. they will take as many plates they want.. while we, will clean their bloody plates n utencils.. its like ARGH!!! After on batch of platec n utencils, another comes.. n one batch its like wat?? 50 plates..? n we clean 50 plates in less than 10 mins.. n after that less than 10 mins.. another 50 will come.. 5 of us went crazy!! It didn’t stop!!! And that happened from 11am-5pm.. imagine wat kind of shit I went thru? Gosh.. I think I prefer washing a whole ship than that!! N my back hurts like F***!!!(trying to tone down my vulgar) it was one hell of an experience.. and the other 4 were students of one of my uncs from ITE simei.. well they are bunch of good company.. coz of them we had fun doing our job.. but 4 of them had experience on doing this thing for weddings, and they said they enever done this hard before.. n they nv seen so many ppl before.. n they never experience of handling such big number of plates n utencils..

MONDAY!!

well went out with my old buddy bitch.. a gd friend of mine since sec 2!! but well.. she's a bitch.. well her name is lin.. LIN'S A BITCH!!! haha.. went out to watch a movie with her.. she wanted to watch this horror movie 'the descent". well its a great movie!! IT's REALYY HORRIFIC!!! k to some of my close ones.. u should noe how horror movie wun scared me.. but this one scared me a little.. well lin was on my right.. the beginning is kinda boring.. so i tot its gonna be a boring movie.. so i didnt really concenstrate.. but at one point.. the thing came out.. lin shreiked like mad.. n i got scared of her scream n i scream too.. sheesh.. first time i scream in a movie.. but that the only time i scream.. this is the first movie that i almost cover my face with my hand.. bloody hell.. n sound effect is so bloody piercing!! n the level of suspense is very high!!! yall should watch..

k done with the movies.. den we walk to city hall from ceni.. get snacks n rot at one place.. lin brought her cam.. den i started taking a lot of pics around.. n i got addicted!!! k now i want to buy a digi cam..!!

k here r some of the pics

k we got chips to eat!!

its a nice pic than the top one rite? coz i took this one.. wahaha..

that bitch really needs to tilt her head up!!

k this one is candid!!

this was another candid!! that bitch didnt count!!

nice huh?? i took this one.. well.. all the pic here i took.. except the first one..

im advertising the choker.. i like it!!

2005-12-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

from a kid.. till now.. i have this toughts.. tought of what would happen when i die? i mean.. what will really happen when i die? can i still eat? can i walk or run or jump? can i see all my friends? can i see my parents? can i see my family? can i do the things i always do? u live a life.. n den at one point everything's gone.. its sad isnt it? suddenly u have nthing but urself n god.. i still tink the most saddest part is to leave everything behind when ure dead.. imagine the friedship uve built when ure in kindergarten, n den in primary schools, n den in secondary school, and den in the schools u study after that, n den in ur workplace.. n they suddenly gone.. the love u recieved from ur parents, friends, god-sis god-whoever, ur wife/husband, kids, grandchild, and den they just gone.. THEY JUST GONE JUST LIKE THAT.. actually i still cant believe that i started thinking like this when i was a little kid.. the things uve bought, things uve learnt, things uve made, and it'll just dissapear when u die..

another depressing post?? nahz.. thats y.. ppl will want to fulfill each and every day/hours/mins/secs of their to the fullest.. coz they cant get today again.. they cant get yesterday again.. they cant get tomorow again.. they wun be another today for me.. there wun be another 1 dec 2005 again.. thats y yall have to cherish ur everyday and every moment.. n that includes me.. each and every sec past by, u cant turn it back.. so do as many things u wanna do before u die.. good things.. dun do bad things.. coz in the end.. god will ask u.. how have u live ur life(well smthing like that. cant remember the exact questions.).. opportunities will always be there.. so when its there, dun ignore it, or run aways from it.. coz if its gone, it may not return again.. n ull regret.. well thats all for today..

2005-11-29T07:20:00.000-08:00

its raining now.. to some ppl, rain makes them sad.. to me.. it makes me realise.. to think bout the future. the present and the past.. so smhow.. im happy.. the rain makes me happy.. and to some ppl, rain is romantic.. well it is to me too.. rain is romantic when ure with ur love ones.. just picture urself with the one u love sitting under a shelter with the rain pouring.. sitting very closely together trying to warm each other.. sharing the same coolness of the cool breeze.. holding each others hand, wraping ur hands around your love ones.. with nothing else but ur love and u and the rain.. with you love lying her/his head on your shoulder and with you suporting yours on top of hers/his.. aint that romantic? all u feel is the warmth of ur love ones.. the warm body, the scent of her/him, the view of the rain, the scent of the rain, the environment, and everything is just perfect.. a perfect moment under the pouring rain with your love ones.. isnt it just beautiful? isnt it just perfect? it is so beautiful that i can cry just thinking bout it.. i hope to have smone sitting closely beside me under a shelter, under the pouring rain someday.. it will just prefect for me..

2005-11-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

well.. i was asked by jwen to blog.. so here i am blogging.. without any clue on wat to blog.. well.. life have been alrite for me now.. with a bit of happiness.. which is like finally.. family is finally fine(sooner or later, conflict again), friends are great, life's great(except that i am totally out of cash) and everything is fine i guess..

everyone is going overseas.. i feel like the only whimp that stuck on this bloody piece of land.. i feel so terrible.. i dunnoe wats this feeling.. i just wanna go away from singapore.. for onces to stay away from the ppl in singapore.. and have fun smwhere else.. smwhere i can see new ppl, new buildings, new environment and be a new temporary me.. evan's going for bangkok n chiang mai, jwen's going for melbourne, jovan's going for japan, jobyna is going for(ouh crap.. where is she going again?).. everyone is going!! haiz.. if i have the money.. i will just like to travel around the globe.. i think i love travelling but i just cant.. this is so depressing.. i think for this holiday, im just gonna sit smwhere with nice view to see, n just space out.. it will be nicer if smone beside me.. den can gaze with me all we want.. haha.. sounds like fun to me.. yeah im weird i noe..

hmmm.. now that makes me recall smthing.. a lot of ppl said im weird.. so now i wonder.. am i still weird? haha.. am i still the alien they see in their perfect eyes.. well maybe.. n maybe not.. i dun really care now to wat they think of me.. coz i noe.. my weirdness is for a reason..

okie now that recalled smthing.. reasons.. well my life.. i live my life with reasons.. everything i do, there are reasons behind it.. ppl do things smtimes without reasons.. but actually they do have reasons.. try recalling back.. n think.. they sure have reasons.. last time.. in one of my blog entry, ive wrote all my reasons to live..

damn.. y is my blog always kinda depressing? well happy stuff now? im glad to make new friends.. some are nice ones.. some r very nice ones.. some r evil as a devil.. some r special.. n some r cute one.. n some r normal ones.. well.. no matter what they r.. they r friends to me.. i actually have forgotten smthing.. last time, friends are very important to me.. till now, they are very important..

my late god-sis.. i wonder how r u doing.. till now i dunnoe what r u trying to tell me.. the things that u wanna tell me remain unspoken.. so do i regret? well partially of her death is my fault.. but i dun regret.. coz theres no point to regret.. i miss u so much.. smtimes i just space out nthink of you.. n remind me of the days whereby ull just took my hand n wrap urself in it.. memories.. u r special to me till now..

there's another smone i miss so much.. n that is pui kheng.. haha.. my god sis.. still alife n kicking.. i really do miss her.. still remember the nite u acc me to my concert.. den we watch the stars together.. the scar that u gave me, is still here.. on my left hand.. n miss u pinching n punching me.. haiz.. the memories of being with you is the strongest so far.. girl ure as beautiful as the full moon.. love you very much.. miss you like crazy..

i realise that from happy stuff, it modulate to a bit sad stuff.. well.. i got nthing more to say.. if i continue.. it will be more depressing.. dats y i cant blog.. unless i am really happy that day.. takcare everyone.. ciao..

2005-11-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

here i am again.. y?? just feeling depress.. wanted to talk to smone.. but talk to the wrong person.. so many things happening.. i dunnoe how to plot it.. life have been different.. im getting more negative in my thinking.. nowadays i tried to look happy when im with ppl around me.. but smtimes its too hard to fake.. i agree with a gdfriend of mine in the phrase 'there's no meaning in life anymore'. for me its the same too eventough i told her the complete opposite.. sometimes things can nv be the way as planned..

what is anger? what is depression? what is all the feelings for? imagine a life without those.. wun be life be more easier? but y does it exist? does animals have those kinda feelings? i wonder if animals get depress.. i wonder if animals noe what is love.. i guess they noe.. but then y must they kill each of their own kind? i wonder.. does trees have feelings? in those big forest with thousands n thousands years old.. how did they live? i wonder how it feels to live as a tree.. life is so boring.. but yet its so peaceful.. peaceful indeed..

why am i here on this world? ive been asking myself this question since i was 14.. n still couldnt really answer the question.. n now im almost 19.. actually since i was primary smthing, ive alrdy tought of the life cycle.. live a life n den u gonna die n leave everyone.. hmmm.. i cant believe that i actually start thinking like that since i was that young..

if i exist y must i hurt ppls feeling? y? haha.. i kept saying jwen dumb.. n jovan slow.. but actually im the dumbest of all n the slowest of all.. im sorry both of u.. can a human stop hurting from smone? but then y did the word sorry exist? y mst all this kind of thing exist in the first place.. hmmmm.. still thinking.. imagine there's no such word as sorry or apologise.. there wun be such thing as to hurt ppl.. i guess i pissed smone off.. im sorry.. truely i am.. for me i forgive ppl easily.. but i wonder y some ppl cant.. another word i hate the existance is ego.. y must the word such as ego exist? imagine a world without ego..

well i guess i stop here.. i wonder till wat age am i gonna keep writing here.. i still wonder.. i guess im a wonderer.. thats y i kept dreaming..

2005-10-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

so how long have it been? 5 month?.. i tot i would not touch this thing again.. but my brain have reaches its limit.. its over loading.. this few weeks its been a killer depression week.. it feels like ive died many times n yet i live again.. the pain from my stabbed heart is unbearable.. n its never ending.. there's a way to end the pain.. n dat is to snap it off.. if the killer wants it dat way.. i will.. but only one thing dat stop me from snapping it off.. n dat is memories.. the times we had together.. trying my best to help her, support her when she needs it.. n the kindness i recieved.. the love i recieved.. n the most lovely memories is, enjoying my time with her.. the killer use to be an important friend to me.. well i take it back.. she is an important friend till now.. i care for her.. i really do.. whenever she's hurt.. smhow im hurt too.. but it doesnt matter anymore.. i dun think she care anymore.. whenever i see her n her gf, im always happy.. very happy to see her happy.. cried the first time i see her with her gf.. seeing them always brighten my day up.. haiz.. it hurts so much.. my eye bled with tears all the time.. n today was one of the worse ones.. it bled so many time.. n it really bled when i was at the staircase.. was at verge to depart there.. but i still have my other 2 important smone to take care of.. dats wat stoping me.. it take 3 to hold my soul.. 1 gone.. which i dun want it to be dat way.. but there aint any choice for me.. but i hope it wun.. another 2 leave me.. i will depart.. n dats for sure.. n now.. i just want to run.. n not face killers around me.. if i get really attached to a killer, the killer will kill me.. there r so many killer in school.. i dun feel like going to sch anymore.. smhow there r smthing dat cheers me up.. just did my solo recital the other day.. recieved tons of compliment.. n finally ive recieved a motivation.. which is from my own recital.. its cool isnt it.. get motivated by urself.. plus the compliments i get.. well ive been practising 6 hours for the past 2 days.. took out the flight of the bumble bee today.. worked on it for 6 hours.. from very slow tempo double tounging.. n now can play in tempo n its quite smooth.. haiz.. if i concenstrate on my goal, i lose a friend.. not just any frien.. an important frien.. cant believe after a year plus, the friendship was build n stuctured nicely, had collapsed.. im lost.. she's like a sister to me..

2005-05-14T01:13:00.000-07:00

can everything be ever rite? y do i always be at the wrong place for the wrong time? why cant i simply be there for ppl? especially for ppl i cherish.. ppl i care.. whose works is this? God is this ur work? y cant u always led me to the ppl i cherish who needs smone by their side? God i noe u exist.. but y? do u noe how hurting it is.. to hear smone i care called me in tears.. badly in tears.. n all i did is just to hang up the phone.. n ppl who really need me will always get me at the wrong time.. last time my godsis needed me.. she called and msg my phone.. but what happen to my phone?? the batt flat.. y must u create the scenario at the time when my batt flat? everytime ppl i cherish will be crying n im not there beside dat smone.. the pplz i trust, my godsis and my BESTFRIENDS!!!! y do u? y do times like this u jammed my brain? is happens all the time.. when times like this u blanked my brain.. y dun u blanked my brain when the same thing happen but to ppl i dun really care? y dun u? Y?!!!! FUCK!!! this pisses me off.. i cant understand you! when i see smone in tears and the person who i dun really cherish the most, i will have alot of things to say!!! y r u doin this? what did i do wrong? can u tell me? im trying my best to be a good boy.. a good man.. i dun steal.. i dun rob.. i dun even attempt sex.. i dun take girls for granted.. i dun cheat.. i just cant understand this.. n y do ppl i trust with all my heart dun share with me when there in trouble? y? dun trust me? i trust this ppl with all my heart n yet they dun trust me? y? what did i do for them not to trust me? im not trustable? issit my face? my face not trustable? or issit my skin? y? i cant understand this.. i shouldnt have trust anyone.. shouldnt.. i should change myself to wat i am 4 years ago.. shouldnt trust anyone.. should have known.. i shouldnt have told anyne anything.. i should stay quiet.. yah i should.. cant trust anyone in this world..

2005-02-26T22:08:00.000-08:00

sometimes.. i wonder.. what am i doin here.. y am i havin a life?? am i havin a great life?? do anyone havin a great life?? i doubt so.. to me.. everyones life's the same no matter how diff it.. no matter how smones diff from mine, it will still be the same.. everyone hav the cycle of life.. the cycle where they will face the bad n the good.. individually.. when a person facing a hard life.. he/she will say n tell him or herself, " y am i so not lucky like others.. y do i hav to face this kinda probs.. does God hate me alrdy.. or is this the sign for me to go now.. i think its better for me to end my life". sot of like that.. depends on the individual.. but.. do u noe that others hav the same exact tots of u.. do u actually comes to think about it huh?? we as humans.. hav brains n heart.. i believe each n evryone will say the same thing.. so i rest my case.. if u think ure so unlucky?? hw bout other ppl?? if other ppl think he'she unlucky.. how bout other other ppl den... den goes round n round n round a cycle to individuals... im actually laffing my heart out i my heart when smone say im damn lucky to hav a good life.. n first of all.. how the hell u noe i have a good life.. i dun.. i feel very lonely now actually.. i really mean lonely.. i dunnoe.. theres a reason behind dat yet ive seek.. n things doesnt goes rite for me now.. well.. i noe its not just me that hav.. i think others hav it too.. so no point complaining.. my point here is.. dun complaint to what u r facing.. u a wasting so much time on worrying so much.. n wasting time complaining to ppl on hw lucky sm ppl r.. y not use that time to get help from ppl who alrdy had gone thru dat kinda probs.. no probs here r new u noe.. the world hav been living for AGES!! dun get urself miserable over things that u can actually find a solution from smone who had alrdy gone thru dat kinda probs.. i think emotions is smthing that u can control.. u urself can control it.. u can be happy anytime when ure emotionally down.. i really mean anytime.. u choose..... u can actually choose to put the what ever things dat make u emotionally down n den go on with the things u doin n be happy.. that can be done u noe.. i really mean dat can be done.. i discovered this myself in my life.. n i think a lot more ppl out there had discover it too.. everytime i see smone sad.. i myself become sad.. do u noe when ure sad.. smone else can be sad just looking at u being sad.. do u noe dat?? n things will be dead quiet.. whenever i look at ppl who is in a sad state.. i will become sad.BUT. i will put it back.. n will try my best not to make dat smone sad.. n even if i tried all my best.. n u still sad.. dat really hurts me.. really hurts me.. well.. dats me.. i believe a lot more out there the same thing too... i mean.. everyone hav a best frien.. a smone u can trust to tok to.. am i rite?? if u dun.. FIND ONE!!! if ure sad.. keep ur sadness back n try to be cheerful n let ur sadness out when only u tok to ur closeones... dats for the ones who r capable of it.. i think if everyone capable of it.. this world will be a cheerful world.. n im not one of them.. im learning to be one of them.. n i hope a lot more willing to learn this kinda attitude.. to me.. out of all probs.. havin relationship is the hardest.. i mean.. kids in school nowdaes.. what they do?? they start a relationship n break n start again n break it n start it again?? what is dat?? a game?? what the point of havin relationship?? to hav sex?? do sexual stuff.. to some of my friens.. they may see me as a pervert or sm kind of a sex maniac.. the truth im seriously against sexual stuff.. im just saying to make ppl laff.. back to the main point again.. y they do that?? u noe y?? coz they care is just fun.. dun they noe the trouble when smone is pregnant?? geez.. n yes i noe some of the a serious once.. but they just dun work out.. well.. u hav to wait den.. urs sure comes to u.. if not wats the point for God creating a male n a female?? but what im toking for now r couples who thinks dat this is some kind of a game.. i hav some friens.. who change his girlfrien like changing daily's underwear.. my God!!.. actualy.. im a shame to be their friens.. in the other hand.. im greatful to hav a best frien who noes how to cherish a girl..who will cry for a girl.. who will only goes for one right one.. im proud to be his frien.. well.. smtimes i even see a couple who just only noes each other in 1 or 2 daes n den voila! they're together.. i was like.. WHAT THE HELL... i bet they dun even feel the love there.. i mean.. when u love smone.. u love smone for the person.. i mean.. u dun even noe the trueself of the person yet.. this is y ppl broke up so many times.. well.. haiz.. love is so powerful.. it is a very powerful thing.. but yet is so beautiful.. love is so powerful that it can even take certain ppls life.. take their breath away.. n some left a broken life.. well.. it will let smone make stupid decisions.. it will make ppl do things differently.. it will affect the health of an individuals.. love is just for words.. but it is a big thing.. its a very big thing dat i cant use words to describe it.. its simply... haiz.. i cant describe it.. this kinda problems r the problems i wanna go against with.. there r certain love probs that my frien came up to me n ive yet to solve it.. n im nt happy bout it.. dats y i think its a very powerful thing.. coz i cant solve love matter.. i think there ppl out the who r like me too.. when smone loves this smone very much.. they got well with each other very well.. the love is there.. everything is like WOW!!.. but then theres when a dae.. where one of the party dun cant continue with it anymore for im SURE a CERTAIN GOOD REASON.. even thou they were not even together yet.. my theory is.. love cant be forced.. when the other party dun love you anymore.. u can do nothing but to leave it dat way.. everthing is over.. but yet not everything.. coz u hav a long life a head of you.. doesnt mean ur love had left you, you will do things stupidly.. n make stupid decision.. decision u noe dat is wrong.. n den will go against dat fact!!! forcing urself to go against dat fact!!! continue ur life.. even if it still be single for just a short period.. n i will say again.. theres a point that God make male n female.. n ofcoz.. u will make ur decision to live with ur partner for the rest of ur life without any doubts, regrets, uneasyness n blablabla... what i am trying to say is to make a good decision on choosing the one that u gonna life for the rest of ur life.. this is a very very very important decision.. for those who just wanna get married fast to run away from the past.. i tell u this.. u r a FUCKING coward!!! my advise is to live ur life with a broken heart rather than living with a fake heart.. to live a life with a lie deep inside.. lying urself that u hav feelings for smone, when actually u dun hav.. whats wrong living as a single?? ive been single for a very long time.. n i can actually hav a gf now.. but den.. whats the point.. if i dun love her.. cant find a point.. i mean.. what the rush of getting married or having relationships that u noe it cant last coz theres smthing missing.. n dat is LOVE!!! the word gf n bf really cheapens love.. if there is smone u really love.. he/she doesnt suit to be recognise as ur bf or gf.. its far more than dat.. in the first place.. y do i actually right this?? i dunnoe..

2005-01-03T04:24:00.000-08:00

when schools starts.. i smhow always feel very sad.. i dunnoe y.. but i noe theres a certain reason.. i smhow feel that im drifting away from my godsis.. this certain sis i always treat her like my own sis.. i dun even treat my blood sis like dat.. but shes smone important to me.. very important.. smhow.. i miss her lots.. very lots.. i dunnoe if im really drifting away from her if its just me.. but can feel the intense sadness in me.. just now went back to sembwins just to take my metronome.. but isnt there anymore.. haiz.. my point of goin there is nt bcoz of the metronome.. i wanted to see my sis n tok.. i couldnt get her smhow.. i miss the chat we had in the past.. really miss it.. n im feeling dat history gonna repeat.. i lost my late godsis coz ive been drifted away from her.. n lost her just like dat.. n yah.. n drift away from her coz she had a bf.. n now.. its the same thing happening.. n worse thing is.. with the same bf as my late sis.. is nt that its nt good or smthing.. i really pity dat guy.. the 2 closest sis ended up with the same guy.. n dat guy must be really disturb if i tried to get close to them.. well he had alrdy got pissed of coz i tried to get close to my late sis.. n now he with my closest sis n who still alive.. well.. if i layed back.. im afraid i might lose her.. well.. its up to fate.. but im really nt willing to lose her.. nt willing.........

theres another girl i miss too.. a girl who will make me happy.. a girl who i always looking forward to see.. coz she smhow will make me smile.. hahaaa... a close frien of mine.. smhow im always happy when im by her side.. always.. no matter how down i am.. i will smhow be happy when i see her.. now she's busy.. n im busy.. hope to see her soon.. heeheee....

2004-11-24T00:07:00.000-08:00

each nite ive tot.. tears drew out of my eyes.. each nite ive cried.. i wanted to go back to the past time.. the times we had our joy.. the times we felt special.. the times.. the timess the times.. but now.. we will never get those times..

i tot u had alrdy 4gotten bout me.. goin off without saying good byes.. without waiting for me.. without telling me.. without without without.. now u will never get to tell anything to me..

when i was told dat u had smthing to tell me.. i was so touched.. touched.. even if ure in a diff world.. i tried not to believe dat girl.. a girl with 3rd eye.. but she was like dat since a kid.. a girl who can see spirits n stuffs.. she told me.. whenever im in school.. u will always stick to me.. as if there is smthing to tell me..

if only i can hear ur voice again.. touch ur head again.. wrap my hands around u again.. talk to u again.. laff with u again.. n love u again..

all that.. i cant do.. is like a pianist who had lost half of the fingers needed.. lost.. really lost..

miss u my dear.. may u rest in peace..

2004-11-12T05:22:00.000-08:00

ooooh.. looks at the time... its goin to be 5 am soon.. hahhaa... just now at 3 am i went out with Azwan.. heehee... we planned to go to a place dat we dun even noe wether it still exist or not... hahaha.. we wanted to go to old chinese hospital.. so i got my dad's vespa n car keys.. hahaha... took the car key just to take my helmet.. hahaha... den went there by vespa.. hahah... but munir(azwan's younger bro) want to cum along.. sadly he hav to use his bicycle.. coz te vespa can only occupy 2 heads.. hahaha...im the driver n azwan is the passenger.. hahah.. lolz..

vroooooom.... off we go... here n there need to stop coz needa wait for munir... argh!!! boring!!! i cant speed at all... den i got a bit fed up.. n speed my wau thru this long road.. hahaha... almost to 100km/hr.. hahaha... den reach reach to a road called Keramat road.. den still need to wait for munir.. we waited for damn damn damn long.. damn long.. i was quite worried coz dunnoe wat will happen to him.. scared if a pontianak will rape him.. hahaha.. after a long wait, a vision fading in from the end of the horizon of the road.. hahaha.. phew he was alrite.. den when he stop infront of me.. he was panting like hell.. he's perspiring!! head face, hands, body r perspiring evrywhere.. he's perspiring like fuck! hahaha.. i still remember wat he said.. 'Nuz!! u really want to let me die ah.. bustard sia.. u sped n den gone.. im alone scarry..' hahaha... sorry lah dude... i need to speed... hahaha...

okie den went up the road.. haha.. walk n walk n walk n den i felt at my hips like smthing missing.. MY DAD'S CAR KEYS GONE!!! i couldnt catch a breath for a moment.. hahaha.. damn i was panicking like fucking fuck!! yes likr fucking fuck!! ran down to the vespa.. im afraid it might drop while im riding the vespa... damn.. den its gonna be hard to find.. not a bit.. very hard to find.. coz im a few km away... den looked at the vespa.. PHEW!!!! it was there.. drop on the floor board of the scooter!! phew phew phew phew!!!! den went back up to catch up with the rest.. walk n walk n walk n we cant find the place... so we just took sm pictures n go off..

i told munir to go first.. coz i want to speed later.. haha... den he sped off.. n me n azwan still taking pictures.. den we had this conversation..

azwan - hey u noe dat the name of this road is a bit spooky
nuzli - wats the name??
azwan - Keramat road
nuzli - wats so spooky??
azwan - keramat means graveyard..
nuzli - ouh..

by then by leg hair went up..

nuzli - hey my leg hair went up
azwan - dat means ure cold

hahahah... i wasnt scary actually.. but azwan dun let me say the word pontianak.. there's once incident.. went the 3 of us went up a hill in woodlands.. den i shouted the words pontianak.. n both of them got stunned.. n azwan told munir,' i think his nose blocked'. den i took a deep breath via my noce.. n i got stunned.. the smell of frangipenny(i think the spelling is like dat). the flower for grave yard... hahah.. den we went off.. walk breezely..

k back to now.. den got back to the vespa.. n rode off... made a u turn.. den i smthing wrong with the gear(coz its an almost to a condemned vespa)... it jerk violently at gear 2... azwan almost fall backwards.. then i sped n try to catch up with a taxi around 600m away... i think i went 110km/hr... wooohoooo... den after a few turns.. theres a hum.. i didnt see it at all.. i just went thru it at a quite fast speed.. me n azwan actually butts off the vespa... lucky its not a high jump.. hahaha.. azwan almost fell back AGAIN!!! hahah.. den blablabl.. went home.. n eat.. n den blogging... alrite dats all folks.. good nitez/morning!!

2004-11-08T22:19:00.000-08:00

haiz.. holidays r cuming.. n guess wat.. my holidays aint holiday at all... i have 2 symphony bands.. coz i just join Phil youth n den i still hav my NAFA band.. Sianz.. den i hav 3 of my own band... jia lat.. 2 bands with my cousin.. playing both bass n guitar.. n the other band is with my frien.. playing guitar only..haiz sianz sianz sianz.. not just dat.. i still hav a choir to do a flute accompaniment... sianz... never look at their scire for ages.. dun even noe where the score went to.. nvm just side read the whole damn thing when reherse with the choir.. hahaha... then i still hav my exams.. haiz EXAMS!!! n u noe wat.. 14 of nov is hari raya... 16,17,18 r my exams!!! power.. fuck fuck fuck!!! argh!!! damn sht sht sht!!! nafa dun like malays ah?? fucking hell skool!! haiz dats one problem...

another is, im afraid of my friens getting kick out of skool coz of attendence... haiz.. especially my good friend.. got barred from exams almost evry exam... hopefully dat gd frien can take history... but she hav to do her essay.. nvm.. she still hav to do no matter wat.. if she cant make it to next year.. haiz.. i'll be damn sad.. dissapointing..argh!! sian sian sianz.. hey GIRL!!! if u make it to next year.. i hope u learn smthing from this.. haiz.. i really hope u do.. ur fucking left side if fucking taking over u damn it!! wat happen to ur right side??? went for holiday??? haiz.. another one is this guy.. another gd frien of mine.. can go to school depends on mood n sleep... sianz... argh!!! y r my gd friens like this.. sob sob.. i hope all of u noe wat had happened.. n learn from it.. n dat includes me!! hahaha... gd nite!!

eh its 6 am.. lolz.. i didnt sleep the whole day.. hahaha... did my history.. but b4 dat had sm fun with my best frien n his younger brother(as in not his dick!).. hahaha... i took my dads vespa key.. then i go 7-11 with him with me riding the vespa!! wooohooo!!! cool huh?? hahhaa.. lolz... ok lah.. nitez n morning to all of you...

2004-10-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

im missing her badly.. even b4 she's gone, ive already missing her very badly.. n now she's gone.. she makes me miss her like i never miss a girl b4.. my sis, my mei, my junior, my frien.. y must u leave me like dat.. issit a revenge?? but y must be like this?? y must it be this way.. Y?Y?Y?!!!!! i really missing u badly.. i never had this feeling b4.. now i noe the feeling of smone who had their love once gone.. it cant make me stop makes my eye teary.. everytime i woke from a nap or sleep, i tot of u.. everytime i woke up, n wish dat yesterdae was a dream.. a dream dat will never cum thru.. i love u so much.. u make me love very much last time..

Shi ning,
do u remember the times when we r close?? do u?? do u noe how much my love for u?? u saw my love for rite?? n i saw ur love for me.. whenever i saw a girl wrap her arms around a guy, i will remember u.. everytime i hear smone saying bout a girl wrap her arms around smone, i will remember u.. i will remember u!!!!! i miss ur smile, ur laff, ur LOVE, ur blurrness, ur activeness, ur presence, ur hug, ur kiss, ur jokes, ur conversation, ur problems.. i miss seeing u playing ur trombone.. i miss everything of u.. i miss u so much..

Shi ning,
I want to apologise for leaving u.. i broke my promise.. i really broke my pormise.. haiz.. i am a nobody if i broke a promise.. all the promise i made to are all worthless now.. the promise i made was really from my heart.. but eventually it dissappear.. y am i like this.. Shi ning im very sorry.. for not there for u.. just now, i saw ur msn nick.. u wrote,"I WaNnA Be ClOsE WiTh U... I ReAlLy WaN...". i noe u do my dear.. its not ur fault.. its mine.. i left u coz to give u freedom n hav more time with ur bf.. but after u broke up with him.. im still in a distance with u.. den i tried to be close to u again.. but u kept avoidoing u.. i tot u dun need me anymore.. dats y i left u.. but i was wrong.. when i was close to u.. i noe ure havin a hard life.. i noe u well.. dats y i treasure u.. do u still remember.. i treat u as my SPECIAL mei?? remember dat i wun let u leave me??? but all dat r worthless already.. plz visit me smdae.. if u can write me a note.. plz do.. i missing u very badly.. seriously bad.. dae n nite my heart cried.. try my best to go to skool n treat it as nthing happen.. but when at home.. im crying my hell out.. crying in my room.. writting my blog while crying.. my laptop keys r wet with tears.. eventhou im a guy.. i shouldnt cry.. but u noe how close i am to u last time!!! ppl around us tot we r smkind of a couple.. we stick like a glue.. everytime i went back for band, i'll be looking for u.. but now when i went back to band, i cant be looking for u anymore.. i'll be looking at an empty chair.. but den.. i dun think it will be empty.. i think u'll be there looking at me when im looking at dat empty chair..

Shi ning,
remember how do we got so close.. i remember.. its was ur hair.. ur straight n bouncy n soft hair.. i kept disturbing them.. now i cant do dat anymore.. u have this hair dat i really like a lot.. i will never 4get the hair u have..

SHI NING!!! I MISS U SO MUCH!!! PPL MAY TOT I DUN GET AFFECTED!! COZ I DUN REALLY GAVE A SAD FACE ON THE DAE OF UR DEATH!!! COZ I WANNA SHOW THE REST OF MY MEI DAT HOW STRONG I AM!!! BUT I AM WEAK!!! COZ IM CRYING MY HEARTS OUT NOW!!! I MISS U VERY MUCH!!! I LOVE U MEI!!!

2004-10-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

its been a very very long time i never touch this thing.. everything was goin well until todae.. smthing happened.. i was happily havin my harmony tutorial.. trying to learn smthing or atleast to buck up.. n den i got this call from my god sister.. so wat i did was, went out of the room and answer the call.. the minute i put my phone to my ear, i got dumbfounded.. my godsister was crying.. very badly.. i was really dumb founded.. i couldnt hear her voice properly.. the crying was supported with some other girls crying at the back.. then i believe the phone was passed around there.. coz i can hear the voice changes to diff ppl.. den i realise it was passed to my other god sis.. my godsis tried to tell me smthing happened.. but i just couldnt hear.. wat i just heard was the word 'GONE'.. went i heard the word 'gone' n with the condition of my godsisterz crying, smone must have died.. she tried to tell me the name.. but i cant get it.. den i ask her to spell the name.. she spelled it.. she was my second last godsis's name.. i was shock.. not just shock.. traumatised.. i sat on the floor.. shivering.. tears started to flood my eye beg.. i cant believe what ive heard.. i went in back to the class.. my face was blank.. i sat down.. try to continue the class.. den i realise i can do nthing at dat condition.. so i told yi wei dat i cant study n need to go off coz ive lost smone.. n ran off.. dr.kan caught me n ask me y.. just told her wat happened n let me off.. thnx!!

in the train was i drastic scene.. my face was red.. my eyes was red n watery.. took me forever to reach my secondary skool.. haiz.. reach skool evryone was in tears.. not all my godsis were there.. i was worried bout my 4th n 9th mei.. the rest r a bit stable.. but my 4th was crying her way thru.. n my 9th.. haiz.. im pretty worry bout her.. if only she can tok to me.. den went to tok to my eldest mei.. ive told her to be strong coz she's the eldest.. n told her dat when i left doesnt mean ive 4gotten all bout my mei.. told her dat i actually counting on her.. n den ask her to cool down.. n try not to cry.. explain to her bout y she shouldnt cry.. haiz.. dats all.. i miss u so much Shining!!! even b4 u left.. n now u left n u make me miss u very much.. miss u more than u think.. i use to be very very close to you.. n noe u very well.. i did a mistake on leaving u!!! im sorry... i shouldnt have left u like dat.. things may be different if im still close to u... but its too late to regret it.. it had happened.. MAY U REST IN PEACE MY SIS.. MISS U SO MUCH!! LOVE U..

2004-09-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

hmm.. its mondae.. hmm.. yesterdae nite.. i drew an eeyore holding my flute.. a drawing for my junior.. who likes eeyore so much.. dunnoe y.. but my eeyore, alisha say dat it hav a tummy.. maybe i make it drink too much beer.. dats y.. hahaha... lolz..hmm.. just now im the morning went to skool early again just to practise.. my PS yesterdae was welly badly done.. hahaha.. damn manz.. i hav this thing called PS tutor fright.. i cant play when i see him..i also dunnoe y. dman manz.. im gonna see him for the rest of 3 years!!! die.. jia lat.. muaahhaha.. hmm.. was practising on sustaining notes only.. coz my tutor really change my my embrouchure.. he twist the flute outward.. then i got hard time getting the notes.. n i sounded sucks now.. i sound like sec 2 flutist playing.. i think my junior is much much better then to im sound wise now.. yes its dat bad!! im in bloody big trouble manz.. den went for lunch.. hmm... my first time i ate at subway.. very very nice.. muahahaa.. i ate lunch with danny, jovan n joice.. argh.. goin out with jovan n danny is so FUCKING irritating.. they keep saying me n joice together.. i was like huh?? i kept laughing.. then joice kept laughing.. coz we got the same tots in mind.. hahaha.. joice is not straight!!! but im straight!! so theres nothing for us to worry.. hahha.. den went to cineleisure to meet the girls.. walk from skool to there ah.. from bugis to somerset.. nice ah.. den blabablabla.. den went back to skool.. this time its only with danny n joice.. we WALK back to skool.. from somerset to bugis back.. hahaha... den blablbla... den slack here n there.. coz got no mood to practise, coz my sound sucks like fuck! haiz.. dat teacher of mine only tell me now.. he should hav toold me earlier... like during the access course tell me den it wun be too late.. hahhaa.. but actually not too late lah.. den went for woodwind class.. woodwind class was a sleeping session for me.. i was quite tired lah.. den blablabla.. then a new teacher was taking over.. erm.. its danny's principal tutor.. den she ask who wants to play next week.. i kept quiet.. den danny say my name out.. den suddenly shu feng say.. den like everyone saying my name... i was like OMG!!! im in big trouble.. i got no other pieces to play.. damn... looks like fantasie is the only piece dat i hav to play... haiz.. den the teacher say 3 more.. den a called out shufengs(flutist) name.. den everyone called out shufeng name.. den i was quite ok coz i got a frien to die along hahaha.. den the next one is ee wei.. playing basoon.. hmm.. i was thinking.. den i ask shufeng.. we get a flute duet with basso continuo... the basso continuo ee wei will play the bassoon.. sound very interesting.. hahaha.. den blablabla... den practise for another hour.. den go home... den while goin home.. theres 2 guys trying to be funny with me.. i was sitting down in the train leaning at the pole.. near the door, along with danny, mich n yun qi.. den theres a guy put his foot on the pole.. which actually will be the same thing as putting his foot on my back if theres no pole.. den.. den i try to calm myself down.. try not to get angry or smthing.. danny was asking me to calm down.. seriously will pick up a fight if danny didnt ask me to calm down.. den they were punching the pole.. i was LEANING ON DAT GOD DAMN THING!!!!! i got a bit piss.. i just shout, ' hey im sitting down here!!!!' then they laugh laugh.. i stand n gave them a freaking stare at them while goin out of the train.. damn assholes.. i should hav ounch them on thier nose n break their nose n drain their blood out of the the nose like a pipe leaking! ok lah.. dats all lah...

2004-09-16T23:48:00.000-07:00

wow.. very very long i never blog heehee... u wanna y i long time never blog.. coz im using my laptop... n my explorer always hangs.. so got no mood to blog.. another reason is no time to blog lah.. been very busy... hmmm... last week.. was hols.. a week hols.. the monkeys+lawrence n eugene and the moe girls went to sentosa.. now my face look likes world map.. coz got visibke face peal!!! damn.. looks like i hav sm kind if skin desease.. muahahaha... haha... now a daes.. i wasnt sad.. i was happy.. only smtimes smthing piss me off.. but the thing dat really makes me sad had gone... hahha.. YES!!! i broke free!!!.. lets talk bout todae.. no use talking bout the past daes.. coz u will scroll down non-stop just to read one entry..

hmmm.. todae went to skool for harmony.. went to skool with shmollie.. MUAHAHA!!! the word i cool manz.. SHMOLLIE!! like i rish like dat.. hahaha... everytime go to skool with her, she always sleep... we never got a seat.. so we will stand... eventhou we stood for the whole journey, she manage to sleep standing up.. AMAZING!!! she can go NS manz.. hahaha.. lolz... stoopid shmollie! sleep only she noes.. her life is like.. EAT, PLAY MUSIC N SLEEP!!!! dat her life cycle.. three things a dae everydae! BORING!!! n yah she always get hungry.. she 24/7 hungry!! everytime i saw her she will be hungry.. my 1st impression is, OH MY GOD!!!, DOES THIS PIG HAV A HOLE IN HER STOMACH??? muahaha.. lolz... hmm.. den harmony class we got our test paper back.. hahaha.. i failed dat paper.. my question one i got a nice chiken egG!!! i got zero mark! hahaha.. i got my marks only from question 2 n 3.. my 2nd question was full marks and my 3rd question i got one wrong.. coz i 4got to put the sharp sign coz i 4got dat it was a minor key.. DUMB! den straight to practise.. practise my etudes.. i better.. coz this sundae is my PS... its hell again... i felt 2 weeks past by very very fast!!!hahaha... then we had lunch.. yay! the 4 monkeys form together again n go eat lunch.. den went back.. we saw a squashed cat in the middle of the road.. danny n me was observing the thing.. royce also.. jovan was sm where else closing his mouth.. acting like he's gonna puke... hahaha.. sissy!!! lolz.. kidding! den erm.. aural lessons.. den blablabla... go to a room with meow, jovan n danny.. den i saw joice.. den nat joice n me go lunch... but i didnt eat.. i just wanna waste time as i got nothing to do at dat time.. hahaha.. its was raining when they finish eating.. den our skool is like the opposite building which was opp the road.. need to cross the road.. we rain like stoooopid kids hahaha.. n joice gave dat stoopid face... coz her shoe can collect water... muahahahahahahahah!!!! den we went NTUC.. i bought a choc.. nat also.. but joice was with a basket.. she shop like buyin wat seh.. she saw smthing she like, she throw inside the basket.. ahahaha... den they go back to skool and eat at the stair case... den at the staircase there, i saw i violin score, coz smone was practising there.. den i play the song.. the song was very nice.. heehee... the owner came.. den i ask her to play.. den we play canon on dat song.. POWER!!!! nice!!! hahaha.. den blablabla.. got history.. den study skills... BORING!!!! den back home... practise etudes again.. den took out the flight of bumble bee.. den it very very slow.. to get the notes right.. hahaha sounded like flight of the old bees.. hahaha... but i tongue lah.. nyway dats all... cyah!

2004-08-30T23:38:00.000-07:00

10 daes i didnt blog already.. hahaha... lazy lah... haiz.. there r still a little sadness in me... sadness dat cant be cured.. but its okie with me.. the whole week i was very happy.. eventhou im sad deep in my heart.. i would like to say thnks a lot to those ppl in nafa who hav been cheering me up.. this few daes.. im sorry i may be a burden.. i didnt noe dat i hav a bunch of caring frienz.. smtimes when a frien lost, ppl may tot u lost everything.. but i hav my friens all tis while.. all this while they r beind my back.. geez.. thnks guys.. heehee... thnks SHU SHU... heehee... i mean shufeng.. the rite time to give me an encouragement... heehee... thnkx.. haiz.. yesterdae also my PS like shit... dunnoe y my fingers got jammed... n my brain jammed also.. my teacher ask me to play my piece at a very slow tempo but i cant.. coz i always practise it in a fast tempo.. hahaha.. erm.. im gonna practise this week... but i think im gonna miss 2 daes of practise time.. coz of smthing... i hope i can get wat i want within a short time.. haiz.. but smthing really hurt me bit by bit.. sheesh.. bit by bit everydae... damn... haiz... i felt so lost... but den.. when i thnk im lost.. i will always think of my frienz who cares bout me.. heehee... test is cumming up... n i did nothing or prepare for it.. im felt nothing.. now i understand by wat this person told me.. she said she felt nothing anymore.. she just felt nothing.. like numb.. but den... she hav to rememeber.. dat a frien will care for her.. heehee... i will always cheerup when i heard smones problems... n handle them.. dat really cheers me up manz.. nowadaes... i dun really mix with the group of frienz we use to be.. coz i felt dat its falling apart.. a frien of 8 pplz.. how i wish dat skool will start again... like last time... when we tried making frienz again.. but it'll never happen.. 4 monkeys falling apart.. n we never had this 4 monkeys n moes together recently.. i think 4 2 weeks or so already.. never.. everything is just falling apart... i hope fate noes where its goin..

haiz... enough of crap lah... wat crap im toking manz... the paragraph on top was pure crap.. haiz.. erm.. todae was an okok dae lah.. had my practise in the morning at 9am.. wah so good ah... go to skool at 9am just to practise.. u see... im practising now a deas... ahaha... den had choir... wah thres a note dat tenors hav to queeze their balls to reach dat note.. haha... danny, phillips n me r trying our best to reach the notes.. n sing.. there r like only 3 of us.. coz the one beside not singing i think... coz i didnt hear him at all.. so there r like only 3 tenors.. n 3 of us r louder than 6 basses... hahaha... power! den after dat they went for lunch... i didnt go coz i dun think i wanna eat.. den eventually went to eat... with yun qi, ee wei, clarence... haahaa... at bk... hmmm.. den went back to skool... coz got band.. haha.. hmm... band was ok lah... played quite nice songs.. so not bad lah for band... not dat boring... den after dat was ww class... another boring hour.. haha.. den blablabla... went for commuters concert... hahaha... it was nice... i was beside shufeng.. den there 3 guys infront of us.. they were actually our friens lah.. year ones.. but cant reveal their names.. one of the guy on the right was leaning his head on the guys shoulder at the center... i n shufeng was like... OMG! haha... den i tot poor the guy on the center.. but den the guy in the center was like leaning himself the the guy on the left... n that guy on the left was leaning himself towards the center... n they were touching here n there at each others hands.. haiz... shufeng told me dat they can become gay trio... hahaha.. den blabla.. den go home... goin home with yun qi... haha.. i always make fun of her sia... haha... dun think she stand me for long.. den when walking, smbody called her.. it was pei fang... hope the spelling is rite.. den eventually we had dinner.. but not me.. hahaa... den go home... in the mrt was a desaster manz.. yun qi was on my left sitting down... both of us was sitting down.. den at a certain stop... an indian guy sat on my right.. he was so fucking smelly... his smell reminds me of a cat shit infront of my house... u can imagine how smelly was dat.. den yun qi said she cant stand it.. she was beside me n she cant stand dat guy.. i was directly beside dat stinko! den there was a stop... we plan to run... haha.. den we went out of the train like normal like dat... we we step out of the train we ran like crazy to the other cabin, on the same train still thou... hahaha... we were at the other cabin, yun qi n me was like ' aaaah... fresh air...' hahaha... we very smart.. den went home.. got nothing to eat... den go down to the coffee shop... got nothing to buy... all closing.. den go cwp... go kfc.. buy chicken.. i hope i ate chicken n die...

2004-08-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

its been almost a week i didnt blog at all... i was very busy and upset the whole dae.. it was indeed a very upsetting week.. this is the second time i tried to blog to dae... i just ive already write a lot but then smthing happened.. haiz.. it is very depressing.. the dae after a last blog, which was on a sundae, i had my PS(principle studies) at my teachers place at thiong bharu.. the PS was very demoralizing.. very upsetting.. i never get anything right for him.. i never get wat he wants done.. i always upset him.. haiz.. furst he asked me to do scales.. my major scale was doin fine until he asked me to do my minor scales.. haiz.. i didnt get the minor scales.. since last semester... didnt get the scale done.. he look quite upset... haiz.. i never made a teacher happy.. never ever b4.. all i do is to upset them.. y must i? haiz.. den he asked to to take out my etudes.. but i i told him dat i dun hav any.. haiz.. he was dumb founded.. thinking dat y the hell i dun hav any etudes.. he gav me the etudes last semester.. but then i lost it.. haiz.. den he took out one of his etude.. ask me to side read.. den i just side read an etude dats all.. haiz.. den after dat.. is my piece.. a piece dat he gav me since last semester.. but still i cant play for him properly at the original speed.. this is the results of slacking.. i really regret slacking a lot last time.. during the access course.. i slacked real lot.. haiz.. if i noe this gonna happen... i wouldnt hav slack like hell.. haiz.. den he look quite upset.. he asked me to stop when i was playing the piece half way.. he gave me short lecture.. telling me dat i really need to buck up a lot.. told me dat my standard wasnt any good.. haiz.. very demoralizing.. now i tried to buck up.. but i cant.. everything i play was wrong.. evrything i tried to do i cant.. im such a lousy flautist.. i am the lousiest flutist in NAFA.. evryone noes dat.. seniors must hav hated me a lot coz im a very lousy flutist.. haiz.. but wat can i do.. now im trying my best to buck up.. but i just cant.. haiz... this morning i was pratising my scales.. the major scales was okie but B major was a bit problem when cums to double tongue.. den tried my minor scales.. i cant get it done.. i even 4got some of the scales.. i was like.. OMG~! haiz... my PS was in 2 daes time n i didnt get my minor scales done.. den Jovan n Danny came.. when they came in i cant play anymore.. i dunnoe y... i actually wanted a solid practise but den they came in.. so i cant get a solid practise.. but its not their fault.. they wanted to acc me.. dats y i didnt chase them out.. i dun really hav the heart to chase them out... coz they r my good friens.. so i dun hav a solid practise.. during dat time i was already quite sad.. den when they ask to go for lunch.. we went to curry chicken rice thingy... i dun hav anything to buy there coz theres no halal foods.. but i can buy at a malay stall on the way there... but i chose not to coz i was very very upset.. i was upset coz of 2 things.. both was equally sadenning.. one was dat i wasnt a good player... i very bad flutist.. cant get anything done.. haiz.. 2nd was a bit personal.. so cant put it on the web.. haiz.. but i think the one dat is more upsetting is my personal thingy.. haiz.. den when reach at the curry chicken rice stall, evryone was ordering.. when they were ordering i called jenny on the phone.. coz i was very very upset.. the only thing i can actually make me happy was jenny.. just looking at her really cheers me up.. den when dey came back from ordering their food.. i said to danny dat i go first.. den i look for jenny.. jenny is a gr8 frien of mine.. even thou we knew each other in a little time.. i treat her like a big sister... i never had a good elder sister... both my elder sister wasnt close to me.. smtimes they even hates me.. haiz.. den went to BK to look for jenny.. went there to eat with jeremiah, reid n jenny.. jenny was a bit crazy.. n i actually had hold of myself a little.. coz she was crazy.. but i still think dat she was a bit down.. i can feel.. den we ate.. jenny was the last one to finish.. coz she was the only girl.. we went our seperate ways.. jenny wanted to follow reid.. dats when i was sad again.. i actually wanted to talk to her.. but then i kept it.. haiz.. went back to skool with jeremiah.. den back to practise.. this time.. my practise was even demoralizing.. i was practising my piece.. n verything went wrong.. i really meant EVRYTHING!!! haiz.. evrthing didnt went right.. fingers were twisted as i hav to play alterned fingering.. my tounging dint go right.. wrong notes EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!! haiz.. den i tried to sit n get my concenstration back.. but den phillips was playing his flute in the other room... he was playing his piece.. his piece was much much more superior than mine.. i shrunk.. i clsoed my eyes n try not to listen to other ppl.. then go back to play again... but still the same.. infact it got worse.. haiz.. then i just keep trying n trying.. but nothing was right.. NOTHING!!! den i went to the toilet.. i look outside to the sky.. it was quite dark.. den back into the room again.. den trying as hard.. but then nothing was right.. i even played as slow as i can for the running note.. but then STILL hav wrong notes.. i got even sadder.. i went out again.. n saw dat the sky grew even darker.. den went in back.. haiz.. pratise.. n practise.. but still.. haiz.. den jovan n danny came in.. they were behind me.. den i just practise.. i was quite frustated over myself.. stop n start quite a lot of time.. den later on they left.. with jovan sayin,"relax dun get too stress". guess dat he saw my frustation over dat piece.. den i gave up.. i took out another piece.. a slow piece.. it started up with a happy part.. which actually i cant feel anything playing dat part.. den cums the sad part.. its even slower then the happy part.. the can really really feel the sad part.. i play my hearts out.. with my tears dripping.. afterdat i just brokedown.. never broke down playing a piece b4.. but i really brokedown.. wipe my face so it looks normal.. den went i went out of the room.. i found out dat it was raining.. it rains n i cried.. den music tech... got nothing to tell.. den goin home.. i was still sad.. i just looked down while walking.. i crossed the roads without looking left n right.. i was only focussing on the ground.. 3 times i didnt look left n right while crossing the road.. very dangerous.. haiz... den went home.. den i was a bit rude to my dad.. n my dad grew angry.. he just smack my face n shout.. i didnt cry eventhou he beats me up last time.. but now i think the first time he beat me fot this year.. but last time i didnt shet a tear... but just now.. pour evrthing out.. pour all my tears coz of all of my sadness.. haiz...

2004-08-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

hmm... quite a long time i didnt blog... hahaha... coz im very busy this week.. coz got the band director convention thingy... den havta practise a lot.. got band at nitez! hahaha... so tiring.. so is so damn bloody stressful.. aaaaah... wah... i wonder if i can make it... i dun think i can make it.. maybe by the time of year 2.. i quit skool.. coz its so damn stressFOOL! hahaha... haiz... i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate history!!! let me repeat dat... hate hate hate hate hate hate hate history!!!! haiz... wah.. so much to study for history.. n for harmony.. i still dun get it bout cadences.. watever the spelling is!! haiz.. i damn damn damn dead... hmm.. later tomorow goin for PS!!! principal study at thiong bharu at Mr.Jin Ta's house(condo).. wah... havnt do my harmonic minor... wah die.. wat should i tell him.. n i dun hav any etudes with me.. wah!!! argh!!!! die die die die... lolz.. den after dat... go to esplenade again tomorow with my 9th mei(pui kheng).. the most firce mei i ever had.. bt she's very very very nice actually.. gagagaga... haiz.. just now went to sim lim square with my dad.. he bought a labtop.. hahah... maybe im gonna use dat laptop! hahaha... quite good laptop for the price actually.. from HP.. i just got to noe dat Hp bought over compact... so compact n HP the same! hahaha.. hmm.. then go bras basar... to see see guitar.. haiz... i sold away my electric guitar... just to buy my stooopid text books! i lost my best frien! haiz... when cleaning the guitar... i felt so sad.. haiz haiz... now dun hav any guitar to play.. so sad.... sad.. sad... haiz... nyway dat all for todae!

2004-08-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

aiyer... too late to blog again.. hahaha... now is 12.49, 9th august! hahaha... erm i wanna blog bout 8th august.. haha.. k lets talk bout it.. i woke up in the morning.. the first thing or the first sentence is, " hey nuzli wake up.. move the sofas back to place.. n moev all the things which is outside to inside.. n vacuum the plae first". hahaha.. dat was my mom... wah.. hahaha.. i told her.. wah.. i just woke up n ask me to do work already.. relax la... n ofcoz my mom didnt say it in english.. just translating it.. i woke at 11+ in the morning just now.. so do work only for a while.. finish my work around 2+... den call my 9th mei (pui kheng)... call her if she's goin to esplenade.. luckily she's goin.. hahaa... den i tag along.. if she's not goin, den i dunnoe wanna go with who.. coz its like nobody can go or dun wanna go... den.. meet 9th mei at sembawang.. then there got 1st mei (ling wei), 4th mei(yixian), 6th mei(geena), 9th mei(pui kheng) n 9th mei's frien(4got her name.. haha)... den i ask them to go to PS (plaza singapura) first.. coz need to send my phone for repair.. my v690 spoil!!! den i cant recieve any msg when i transfer my sim card to my nokia hp.. co i hav 146 msg in outbox... i dun wanna delete them coz i wanna keep track of my msges... hahaha... the whole trip to ps i suan my 9th mei.. haha.. suan her bout she's short lah, bout she looks nice on dat dae(which is actually true), den suan her bout a lot of stuffs lah.. den reach ps... the first thing to do is to find the motorola shop.. den take a que number... i told my mei meis to go eat first.. but they dun wan.. then they wait wih me lah.. i told them to tell my if its already my turn.. den they always truck me.. make me turn to the place a lot of times.. haha... den when my turn i go there n told them dat i cant charge my phone.. i told the person, try not to erase or my to default to factory mode as i got a lot of video n pictures dat i havnt upload to my com... heehee... den we eat at yoshinoya.. i bought the beef n chiken bowl.. hahaa... den after eat.. we go to this toy shop... i saw this pooh bear thingy... its quite small.. but den the price very big.. cost 100+bucks! wow.... didnt axpect something to be so ex.. den we took pictures.. hhahaa.... den blablabla... den we go take pictures at the neo print machine.. hahaha.. den my 1st n 6th mei gone home.. wah so fast... den we diceded to take mrt to city hall to esplenade... but when we went in the station i went down, the place was super dooper pack.. hahaha.. i took out my video cam n take video shot of it.. den i told them we better walk.. den a few minutes later we deecided to walk... wah waste my one ride... go out of the station.. den go up.. to the outdoor.. den i took video again.. hahaha... so fun with my new digi video cam... hahaha.. den i decided to walk my normal pace.. which is actually quite fast.. i walk quite fast till my mei meis n one girl need to run to catch up... heehee.. den reach esplenade... my 9th mei called one of her frien.. to meet... den we met but b4 dat we took some pivtures.. hahhaa... den we met 9th mei another frien.. den back to 6 of us coz my 9th mei another frien got bring boyfrien.. hahaha... wah esplenade there very very very very very very very very very very very very pack!!!! hahaha... den took out my video cam again.. den blablabla... wait for the fireworks... i kept asking my 4th mei for the time coz i dun didnt bring my watch.. hahaha.. den theres once i asked my 4th mei for the time... then she said 8.30.. after she said 8.30, immediately there's fireworks... aaah... i quickly took out my video cam.. hahaha... start recording! KE TAM! KE TUM! KE TAM KE TUM!!!! the fireworks quite loud.. wah long time i didnt see fireworks... the last time was 1999.. n dat was when i havta perform for national dae! hahaha... den FUCK! my batt empty suddenly in the middle of the fireworks... i was happily shouting 'wooooooooo' den when my batt empty i shout 'ffff-uuuu-ccccc-kkkk' hahaha... damn i should hav charge my batt aaah... haiz.. but nvm next week still hav.. NO MATTER WAT!!! I HAVTA GO!!! EVEN IF I HAVTA GO ON MY OWN! hahaha... den next week... i'll bring my video cam with 2 fully charge batt... hahhaa... den after the fireworks... we decided to go to ms(marina square)... but then the entrance was packed! den we wait for the crowd to settle down.. den saw quite a lot of ppl... first saw yun qi... hahaha... she looks nice... den saw my ex bandmate(my batch) leona n ching yi!!! both of them look nice! hahhaa... den we go ms... but den we decided to go to suntech... to eat... then caoz... suntech was full... den we go home lah... hahaha... dats all... komba wa!

2004-08-07T03:15:00.000-07:00

its 3am now.. hahaha... i didnt blog yesterdae n the dae b4 yesterdae.. hahahaha.. y am i still a wake?? coz i got so many thing to do.. my sis getting engage n im the one who gets tired. haiz.. first lets talk bout 5th august which i barely can remember.. hmm.. it was thurs dae.. hmm.. was havin classes as usual..then.. at 7pm got sectional.. the sectional was very funny.. there r 5 of us.. so all chinese n im the only malay.. infact im the only malay guy in the whole music department.. in my section.. theres a china guy.. his name is philips.. he cant understand english dat well... so.. evryone was talking chinese so he can understand.. but den.. im the one dat cant understand.. den i like look here look there at them.. noding my head as if i noe like dat.. hahaha.. den kevin n shufeng translate for me.. they sectional ah.. my part all so many rest... den i clap to give the tempo.. den clap here n there.. then one by one, our seniors from various section came in.. n eventually daniel help us with the clapping tempo.. b4 sectional starts, shufeng show me an animation of this cute birds... very funny n cute.. den sectional finish.. finish at 9+pm.. hahaha... den go home..

den now bout yesterdae.. 6th august.. hahaha.. it was fridae.. went to skool quite early.. den nobody at skool... den eventually i called jovan.. n they all at city hall havin lunch.. then go there.. n blablabla... den havin music tech.. haha.. music tech was a bit fun... as its always fun.. den finish blablabla... den we took pictures.. hahaha... so weird pictures... lots n lots of pictures.. finally can take a lot of pictures with esthers cam.. den.. blablablabla... the girls decided to leave.. den i also left coz 8th mei wanna meet... but eventually go with mich n kihui.. mich wanted to c 8th mei so much.. hahaha... coz in the card print i took with th mei was nice.. n mich was ACTTRATED to her.. lolz... hahaha.. but she really wanted to c her.. mich, kihui n me den at far east.. im actually waiting for 8th mei.. den 8th mei came.. den mich saw ehr with LONGING eyes hahaha... the minute i tok to 8th mei who was bhind mich, mich turn... the minute mich turn, i observe mich's look... she really look at my 8th mei for quite long.. with LONGGING eyes.. let me reapeat.. LONGGING eyes! hahaha.. den walk walk with 8th mei.. den i wear her cap... looks like artist.. heehee.. den photo with 8th mei.. the card print thingy.. hahaha.. turns out very bad... the first n the last shots was bad as my eyes was closed.. hahaha... the second shot was perfect for me but 8th mei was moving her hand n she stand to straight.. hahaha... den blablabla.. go home.. my house was very packed.. den blablabla.. help here n there.. n blablabla.. dat all lah... gdnitez!

2004-08-07T00:26:00.000-07:00

todae is the dae of my sis engagement... hahaha.. im pretty bored now.. coz all my cousins my age not here yet.. aaaah.. very bored.. wake up in the morning just now just to move tables n chair n sofas.. im becoming house mover now.. hahah... den.. blablabla... nothing much actually.. just blogging coz i got mothing to do for now.. maybe im gonna be busy later..okie.. BORING!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha.. bery boring!!! later ah... update at night..

2004-08-04T22:27:00.000-07:00

haha... im back.. blogging the 2nd time todae.. i feel accomplish todae.. coz ive a finshed a story book within a dae.. dats the 2nd time ive read a book within a dae.. i read a book titled A Child Called 'It'... its a very good book.. i book dat didnt fail me to move n read from the first sentence.. a very dranatic n drastic book.. a recommended book to read... nyway i started reading it this morning in the train.. hahaha... first time i didnt sleep in the train since skool starts.. yay.. after i did my first blog.. we went for lunch.. we went to hav lunch at yes boss... notrhen india's food.. like pitas n kebabs.. deb went back to skool to attend platform.. den i went straight home.. coz i got nothing to do at skool.. den in mrt i continue reading the book.. den at home i finish the book at around 6.30pm... hahahaha... reading the book really make me realise how fortunate i am.. to hav a lovely mommy... i used to hate my mom coz she always wallop me.. but when i grew up.. she really really treats me niecly.. if u all got a chance to read the book... i recommend u to read.. n try not to shed tears.. dats all... goodnitexz...

2004-08-04T12:03:00.000-07:00

hmmm.... i very odd time to blog rite? hahaha... im at the NAFA's library.. using the labtop to blog.. nice... they offer labtops to the students to use... just now im finding webbies for my hw.. must give the Dr.Kan via email.. hmmm.. just now i had lecture... history lecture by Dr.Kan... she ah.. always got smthing for us rite.. (hihihihihihi... oh dats jovan writing...) den theres a class group work.. (a haha is higher than a hoho which is deeper than a hee hee which is sharper than a heh heh.. dats danny writing..) hahaha... he's always full crap.. hahaha... hmm... where did i stop just now? ouh... yah... hahaha... we did a group work... group work... hahaha... jenny becum our group leader coz she's the eldest.. most respected.. hahaha.. den blablablabla... they actually sabo me to present... but eventually jenny got to present.. hahaha... im save.. den blablabla... hahaha.. royce got choir.. thnk god im not in dat choir.. den blablabla.... den in the library... me with YQ, danny, jovan... den later on.. baby came... with a book called the concerto... theres 2 pages dog eared... den baby wanna unfold it... hahaha... the dog eared potion torn... i was like OMG! hahaha... its a library book... nyway.. dats all for now.. cyah again later...

2004-08-03T23:06:00.000-07:00

hmmm... i woke up very early in the morning... woke up at 4.45am.. den call muner... den blablabla.. get my vans sleeveless sweater.. then wear my shoes.. den meet muner at his house.. wat were u all doin at 4.45am? hahaha.. den go jogging with him.. untill 7-11 den we stop.. buy drinks.. we bought soya bean... we drank den muner wanna shit...!!! hahahaha... i told him to keep his shit first.. den we continue jogging home.. after dat went back home.. i was drenched with sweat... eek... i hate to sweat actually.. den took out my sweater n switch on the fan full blast... aaaaaah.... den after my sweat dried off.. snored back to sleep.. i actually set my alarn clock... i was suppose to wake up at 7.30... but eventually i woke up at 8.10am... wah very late... rush evrything.. lucky i got evrything rite.. i got my the correct pants the the correct shoe.. only dat i got the wrong shirt... i wore my dads shirt... wah!!! very big lah.. hahaha.. but nevermind lah.. just wear... i didnt use the overhead bridge to cross the road... i just jump off the green rail n den just ran thru the road... eventhou the road was full with speeding cars... plz dun do dat kids... very dangerous.. took the mrt... sleep in the train.. lucky didnt overshot my stop hahaha... den cross the road at bugis there like nobody's buisness again... then ran to the lift i to the 5th floor... guess wat... evryone was outside waiting for the lecturer to cum.. wah!!! i told royce bout i cross the road thingy ah.. he said,"u risk ur life to get to skool on time".. wah i was like,"but eventually the lecturer didnt".. den did aural.. wah i did very bad for dat thingy.... den after dat harmony.. i dunnoe wat the hell james tokking bout manz.. argh.. atleast i noe a bit... i hope can survive! den after dat we all take pics.. hahaha... it was quite fun.. but got a limited time and limited space for the cam... so not really fun lah.. den go to eat.. at first i wanted to eat.. but den eventually i dun wan to eat.. coz i a bit lazy to buy my food at the hall stalls... hahaha... me ah eat also lazy... but i did get ready for the questions to be asked.. "y not eating" "r u sure ure not eating" "eat leh"... ive gotta get use to it.. hahahaha... but theres only the four monkeys n baby n esther... the other two moes went for suntanning.. luckily it didnt rain.. hahaha... den afterdat royce , danny n me went to lan play CS... long time never play.. baby n esther went to library.. we played for quite long.. but i got bored for 1st hour... coz i always lopse.. hahaha... like 3-4years never play.. dun even noe wat button to press manz.. hahaha... after dat royce went back home.. me n danny went to library.. meet esther n baby... den blablabla... wah my baby got food poisoning.. i dunnoe wat to do seh.. she looks so horrible.. she was like whining in pain.. but still i dunnoe wat to do.. gosh.. nyway wat is there to do?? hmm.. den we left library... he tummy ok already... thnk god.. den esther n baby n danny n me went to bugis.. baby n esther shopping for shoes.. we just follow... but eventually danny n me went back.. baby ask to go first.. den sleep in the train... wah evrytime in the train i sleep.. wake up i remembered 2 things.. 1 is to call Mr Jin Ta n the other was baby's food poisoning.. den i called Mr Jin Ta in the train n msg baby to drink plain water... den went back tp sleep again.. hahaha.. den reach woodlands.. blablabla... den at home.. den at 7.30pm... i practise my piccolo... wah my ear really rings manz... hmmm... but can say i got improve really a bit... my high notes all quite clear... heehee... den blablablablabla... download pics from esther.. wah very slow manz download from her.. nway it okie lah.. but i download from my friens very fast one... 3 secs done.. den blablablabla... untill now... so dats all guys... cyah! adios amigos!

2004-08-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

hmm.. todae monday! hahaha... lolz.. nwyay can wake up very late.. not really actually... but quite late lah.. wake up at 9.30am.. is dat late? late for me.. hahaha... actualle ive already woke earlier.. i woke up at 4.45am.. i wake up to go jogging with Muner, Azwan'a younger bro.. bt unfortunately, its raining quite heavily.. sob sob.. hahaha... i wanna jog... or i'll get very fat!.. im actually quite fat! den went back to sleep... hahaha.. den ive set my hp to alarm clock at 9.15am.. but eventually i woke up at 8.45.. tried to go back to sleep but cant.. den i just wake up lah.. hahaha.. den go to skool... for choir.. choir was nice.. hahaha.. as usual.. hahaha.. den we go to eat lunch.. at sim lim.. they eat.. but i didnt eat.. hahah.. my baby keep asking me "r u sure u dun wanna eat".. den not her only.. quite a lot of ppl ask me.. i find it very irritating leh... i dun wanna eat means i dun wan lah.. den keep asking the same question over and over again.. hahhaa.. actually i no mood to eat.. hah! den go back to skool...den slack at studio room.. with jovan, baby n danny.. den got woodwinds class... hahaha.. the most boring class of NAFA! in class... we sat and actually we were divided without realsing it.. we sat in a way, on the left side r students who didnt do hw and the right side r the ones who did their hw.. hahaha... den in the middle i hav to go n play n show a demo on smthing.. TURNS! wah i find turns very irritating.. but dunnoe y when i play music i will do turns one... but do turns looking at the score quite irritating... hahaha... den go makan at the prata shop.. i ate egg prata n cheese prata.. hahaha... den go back to skool... n watch the commuters performance.. a soprano n a pianist was performing... but got a lot bout death death thing.. den my baby bside me look so sad... if only i can cheer her up.. den after dat when goin back home.. she still look quite sad.. haiz... den blablabla... n the mrt.. i took the way to jurong east n den to woodlands... i was with danny, esther n mich.. coz baby change train at city hall n royce when the other way to tampinese.. den blablabla.. un till... dats all folks!!! sayonara!

2004-08-01T21:51:00.000-07:00

im becoming more n more lazy to blog this days.. dunnoe y.. hehee.. yesterdae i didnt blog at all... hmm... lets talk bout yesterdae first.. yesterdae morning went back to sembawang secondary skool.. gosh i went back into the band room.. i was shocked of the sound.. the sound is rather bright.. quite bright.. especially to the woodwinds.. haiz.. the last time i went back there... dat was 2 weeks ago i think... the sound was nice.. now went back to shit again... caoz... den after dat go to sunplaza.. slack like hell.. den i go to my mei mei table.. theres christina, cynthia, pui kheng, eewen, yy adn xing pei.. i was liek trying to take their pics... but cant.. tthen after dat we walk walk at sunplaza with yy, cynthia and christina.. christina seems very close to me.. n i too was very close to her.. just hope dat we r close bcoz ure my mei mei... heehee... den went home.. den at nite i havta remove n clean the clovers of lights un every room at house... sianz.. den blablabla... den go online and chat.. dats all for yesterdae..

now bout todae... todae morning need to clean the clear doors... sianz... dat very tiring u noe... especially ur shoulder.. wah... if u do dat for a living. ur hands will be super macho! quite a lot of clear glass door to clean.. very sianz.. den go swimming.. swimming for an hour only... after dat went to north point.. actually golden village with my papa n my younger irritating sis.. when to long john to eat... hahaha... nyum nyum.. dne go to popular buy stuffs... i bought an organizer.. i really need dat manz.. then after dat go straight down to harvey norman to look at the video cam... hahaha... my dad ask me wether to buy it now or later... i told him... if later den when? now its already infront of u.. mite as well buy it now.. hahaha... yay finally got a video cam.. yay!.. its a sony hc40.. white in color.. hahaha.. den go home... den till now lor bloggin... hahaha... dats all folks... sayonara!

2004-07-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

very long i didnt blog in... coz i either no mood to blog or 4got to blog.. heehee.. im quite sad now... i dunnoe y.. its a feeling i long time didnt hav.. the last time i hav it was a year and a half ago... actually not dat long also.. just now when for music tech.. which only an hour.. god damn it! a real waste of time.. go there just for an hour class and then go home... wtf! idiotic schedule! after music tech went to library... actually to meet my baby.. den walk hav way to library with danny and miaow, royce called me.. 4got to give him my headphone.. den i ask him to cum down n take.. when he came down he ask me y i look so sad... i actually dunnoe y i look so sad.. den go to library on my own.. danny was at a diff table.. miaow was at diff table n at another table was baby, esther, ivan and ivan.. i sat with danny... i didnt say hi to anyone... dunnnoe y.. after a few minutes.. i got no mood to stay any longer.. i ask danny to go... den danny, miaow n me went off.. i went off without saying anything to anyone.. i was very quite went walking to the mrt with danny n miaow.. i also dunnoe y.. i was walking veyr fast.. but actually my normal speed.. miaow asked me y am i so quiet and walk very fast.. but i dunnoe y am i llike this.. so i didnt answer anything.. den i told danny to go first coz i need to meet smone.. but i actually didnt meet anyone.. i just wanna be alone.. i dunnoe y.. i walk around bugis for an hour i guess.. walking alone was so peaceful.. its been a long time i didnt wlk alone with this kind of feeling.. den decided to went back home.. took the mrt to marina bay.. den all the way to woodlands.. im still felt sad when i reach woodlands.. haiz.. y is this things happening to me.. i hate it.. i really hate it.. haiz y am i like this.. baby ask me y am i like this.. and i dunnoe wat to tell her coz i myself dunnoe y am i like this.. i hope she's not angry with me.. sorie baby!

2004-07-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

just finish practise my flute... now chatting while blogging.. so hard! lets strart from this morning.. hmm.. met the 4 monkeys i went to skool as usual.. den got choir audition... the audition went pretty well... im in tenor... sob sob...! den we in the room.. take pictures.. with my hp.. hahaha... take video also.. got one part when jovan did smthing cute n i record... very funny.. muahahaha... den after dat went out to go eat brealfast at BK... with miaow n mooo n cynthia.. den we go for choir... den band.. band sideread songs... as usual.. den play pool... i find myself quite good just now... dunnoe y.. den go for woodwind clas.. gosh the most boring class i ever had! dats all folks!

2004-07-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

sob sob... yesterdae i didnt blog.. i actually got no mood to blog.. nthing much to say also.. hmmm... let me recall bout yesterdae.. go to skool early coz i wanna find royce but eventually he's nt there.. sianz.. then tried to contact him.. but is hp 4ever no reception.. starhub u noe... n guess wat... my new no is starhub! lolz... den go to spa com lab just to play play with the coms there b4 the class starts.. den class starts.. slass was quite fun dis time.. we were using the music programme.. then we ca use the keyboard to noted notes into the com... den we havin fun with the key biard... we r like stomping the lab manz.. it was so noisy... danny was like, stamping hiw whole parm onto the keyboard.. n the stave in the computer was jammed with nootes... i can him this, not even professor wants to play ur piece... i was so confusing... if u look from far.. its like the whole page was black... packed up with notes.. den blablabla... den finish... den slack around... den go home... told u theres nothing much..

den todae i woke up quite early.. sob sob... i miss GUNDAM!!!! 11.30 i havta go out.. go out with my dad.. first to yck den to TM.. go to the starhub there... bought a hp... motorola v690.. im using dat for only 5months... sob sob... a nice phone... then go to my granmas house.. den go home,, den watch spiderman 2 den now blogging... dats all... tata..

2004-07-22T07:20:00.000-07:00

this morning i kinda late for skool... hahaha.. had my harmony class.. it was confusing!! y cant music get smthing simple.. lolz.. hahaha... todae The 4 Monkeys wore a same t-shirt.. its actually the NAFA orientation t-shirt... den after dat slack like hell.. i was like hoping from one roomf to one room... actually.. todae i learn quite a lot.. i learn smthing from Phillips the china guy... n i learn wat to practise circular breathing from the pro chinese flute player... i 4got dat girls name.. hahaha... den.. hope again to another room... now its with Shufeng, Jovan, Eugene, Net and Danny... we r like making a lot of noise.. hahha... we squeek here n there... den we do a lot of awwwwful noise in dat room... sorie shufeng if u r irritated... hahaha... den went for lunch.. with erm, the 4 monkeys, yr2 Net, Doc, n one more girl dunnoe her name... hahaha... we had lunch... Royce was kinda bad mood n so was i... hahaha... i was bad mood coz of 2 things.. one is dat IVAN... haiz... den went back to skool again to slack for a while.. waiting for our class to start... now im in a room with jovan, royce, me, Sharon n Michelle... we tok here n there... until class about to start... den after class finish we wanted to go home... den eventually the 4 monkeys followed the 4 moe girls to PS... hahaha... during the journey there to ps i was quite ok lah... until half way there i gone mad... sing lah, suan ppl lahn many more... den at ps we all suan Danny n Sharon like fuck sia... hahahaahaha.... i cant believe it dat i am suaning Danny... poor him... if i was Danny, i beat Nuzli up already... hahaha... dne after goin to music plaza, we went to MOS burger... there we suan Danny again... suan him until he looks like he wanna cry like dat... awww... poor Danny... there we took pics of the 4 monkeys... den go home... reach home bath n bla bla bla... den till now blogging... dats all folks!!! ADIOS!
want to c our photo? hahaha...

2004-07-21T22:15:00.000-07:00

my mouth cramp.. just finish practising my flute.. do quite a lot of long tones.. but neva did my sclaes.. n i havnt call Mr.Jin Ta yet! practise on the slow part of Fantasie.. den play Dance of the blessed spirit.. okie lets start from this morning.. its was raining.. i woke up so many times.. coz i cant wake up.. hahaha.. but eventually needa wake up.. but i still sleepy eventhou ive took my bath.. i slept in the train.. i got my sleep so deeply till i overshot my stop.. i catually needa stop at cityhall to change train.. but den, i alight at raffles coz i overshot my stop.. hahaha.. den meet the 4monkeys gang n one pole(Aaron).. den go to skool together.. wah den the lecture non-stop manz.. if its gonna be like dat for the next 3 years.. i can tell u all, by den my back will be very straight.. i got no choice to sit straight coz my back hurts, n dat includes my ass! den blah blah blah for 2 bloody hours.. wah... den Jovan tot his wallet lost coz he cant find his wallet.. he was like whining at the whole 5th floor n 6th floor.. whining out, "wheres my wallet". he sounded so pityful... hahaha... den he called his house, n got to noe dat his wallet is on top of his bed! wtf manz... hahaha.. den after dat go for lunch.. now its the 4 monkeys n our queen(Hoonie).. hahaha... when we r ordering.. Royce called Mich.. so they joining us also... but havta fetch her.. but den IVAN was there... i was like omg!!! fuck!!! aaaaaah!!! nvm.. the 4 MOE girls n one ivan.. haiz.. den when we r eating.. we made a lot of noise.. we suan him like hell.. the 4 monkeys suan him like hell... n guss wat... the 4 monkeys got him a new name. IVAN = Idiotic/irritating Vain Atrocious Nehneh! hahaha... after dat go back to skool... hav fun in a room (consist of Royce, Jovan, Me, IVAN, Sharon n Mich) and play this stupid song called forever in love.. its actually a niec song... but ivan make it not nice... den i transpose it on the spot... CAOZ! hahaha.. hahaha... gosh Faiz my junior play dat song 3 times nicer manz.. den i wanna borrow his soprano he dun let.. wtf... den i 4got bout watching movie with my 8th mei... hahaha... i ran to the mrt!

den when i reach bugis... my 8th mei told me to take my time coz she just reach home... wah... sianz... den reach khatib also quite early.. but den i gooota pee... so got no choice but to go out n pee... hahaha... den wait for her damn sianz... wait for 30mins.. not dat bad ah.. den she came.. she looks quite nice when she didnt wear jeans.. she wore smthing like a skirt n a shirt.. but its one peice only.. so its a combination of a shirt n a skirt... green colour.. hahaha.. so she looks very nice... she looks more like a girl... sot of a mature girl... but she still havnt dat mature.. ahhaah... den go to CWP n watch i Robot.. very nice show... den blablabla... den we walk walk at CWP... i was behind her... i smhow got worried bout her.. she got the body dat ppl will...u noe..like sexual abuse.. i was quite worry.. actually very worried... i didnt tell her dat i was worried bout her.. den afterall i was rite... my instinct was rite... when i reach home... she msed me... dat she was angry... she told me dat she go n meet my 6th mei... den got a bunch of skool guys go n disturb them n keep asking her hp no... i was in gr8 rage when i heard dat.. den she told me dat they even follow her home.. if i noe who they r... i'll kill them! so dats all for todae.. den i go to my religious class n den practise on my flute.. dats all folks!

2004-07-20T01:32:00.000-07:00

haiz... lets talk bout yesterdae b4 skool n after skool... we celebrated Eugene's bdae!! at yoshinoya.. i was sitting with him n royce.. den i called ruth dat he's here.. hahaha.. afetr a few min later, dts when we finish eating.. ruth, shufeng, kevin, vanessa, doc n net came with a small box.. but the box was open n inside was a small cake with a lighted candle... den we sang bdae song a loud inside the small yoshinoya.. we were like kids... hahaha.. i hapoe dat will be one uf ur memorable bdae Eugene!

ok lets talk bout todae.. meet royce n danny early this morning.. den we went to skool.. we had our harmony lecture at 9.30... the lecture lasted for 1 n a half hour.. den when the lesture starts.. all my responds is "huh". i was like ," omg how am i gonna survive?" the whole lecture killed me.. i dun understand a thing.. i was so dumbfounded.. im in big trouble.. i need help in harmony manz... haiz.. i wonder if i can survive in harmony.. i hope i wun do very bad in harmony.. damn... i am like the worse flutist in NAFA... i dun wanna be the worse student of harmony class in NAFA! haiz.. im dead... very dead... very very dead... very very very very very dead... haiz... lets not worry bout dat.. den after the lecture, im totally lost.. i didnt hav my flute with me.. n danny was pactising.. n royce was with a girl.. i didnt noe wat do n i didnt noe where to go.. coz i was actually waiting for royce n the MOE girls to hav lunch.. waited for quite very long.. luckily i still hav jovan.. if he didnt come... i dunnoe wat should i do manz.. haiz.. i wasnt close to any of the girls yet coz all of them r chinese.. dare not to.. coz who noes they dun like n malay guys.. so i just kept quite for the moment.. haiz... but it was like mating season manz.. is like evryone is havina partner.. n i just feel kinda lonely.. luckily jovan didnt leave me alone.. phew.. den eventually i went for lunch with jovan.. haiz.. waited for so long.. eventually didnt hav lunch with royce... hahaha... but tis ok... not his fault also.. gosh how i wish ivan is kicked out of the skool... den we had lunch at sunshine plaza... n EVENTUALLY im not eating.. OMG!! ivan hav actually destroy my appitite.. the rage in me make me no mood to eat also.. den i wait for them, jovan n the rest to hav their lunch... after dat we go on our own ways... EVENTUALLY i go home alone!! WAT A WASTE OF TIME!!! should hav go home early n sleep.. hahaha... but its ok... nyway dat all for todae.. adios!

2004-07-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

i was too tired to blog yesterdae nitez..got alot to write actually.. dunnoe if i can remember evrything.. lets start from the beginning.. hmm... i actually didnt manage to meet my 8th mei.. i was late.. coz i was blogging in the morning.. heehee..den i went to sembawang on my own.. but eventually, i bang onto Miss.Tan.. hahaha... so we had a long chat to skool.. coz the backgate is lock.. i wonder when the skool goin to learn to unlock the backgate.. den blablabla .. they packed up thier sutffs to load the bus.. there were two busses.. haiz.. i brought my flute coz my 2nd mei(Madeline) dun hav a flute.. but eventually she hav.. haha.. so its ok lah.. den goin to SAFTI, i sat bside Miss.Tan.. we had another long chat again.. hahaha.. when we reach there, Mrs.Chew came to me holding a stand.. its was covered with a softcase.. looks like a flute but longer version.. but i can put around my body like a sling bag.. i want my flute case like dat.. easy for me to bring around.. reach there i hav to go down n collect 15 packed food for the helpers.. the helpers r actually the sembwinds player.. the actually helper had gone down to eat.. dumb.. might as well dun ask them to cum.. den i went up again carrying the food.. actually half way only.. the first half, claudya was carrying it.. den we eat at the parrade square.. the patato wedges was nice... the chiken too.. but the skin of the chiken was so flexible... hahhaha...we ate like neva eat for a long time.. den bla bla bla.. the rehersal starts.. the ytss n sembwinds got ready n setup evrything.. its a combine band actually.. not dat big ah.. but quite big.. then they start.. hmm... smthing amaze me when they start playing.. its actually the sound amaze me.. not bad actually... den blablabla.. rehersal finish.. den i went bside my 8th mei to sit.. i was actually very sad.. i smhow got sad.. looking at all of them performing.. reminds me of my dae in sembwins.. but i wasnt sad bout dat.. i was sad bout sm other thing.. i felt dat i was drifting futher apart from dat girl.. haiz.. i dunnoe y i keep looking at her.. haiz.. i wonder how long will this long.. it had last very long.. but nvm.. still can wait.. im not interested in any other girls nyway... so i'll wait.. ok den the actual thing start.. n bla bla bla... the band was good... bla bla bla.. den theres one part... the finale.. dat moment really touched me.. the national dae song was running.. then evryone in the ncc gather together at the parade square.. even the ones who r audience.. looking at them.. how they unite.. dat really touch me.. tears catually came out from my eyes looking at them..i was a very happy big family.. when running some fell.. n ppl gave hands the to fallen ones n help them up n continue running.. dat was one thing i respect.. but den i look at her again.. my eyes was flooded with tears again.. den evrything is done.. all went for dinner.. den bla bla bla.. den Sharold came to me... she wants to take picture with semwins flutes... she ask me to take a long... but i didnt want to.. but looking at them taking pictures.. flood my eyes again with tears.. haiz... so many things dat brought my old daes.. den went into the bus.. i actually ask my 8th mei to sit with me.. but eventually i havta sit with my 1st mei(ling wei).. which is actually good.. she got a big problem.. she was actually crying.. i got use to it.. i coucil her thru out the the journey home.. by making her smile really make me happy! hahaha... den reach at skool.. i told Mr.Chew dat it was a good performance.. he said yeap.. then a lot of ppl crowd around.. dat includes her.. she was beside me.. haha.. finally got a chance to disturb her.. heehee.. quite happy den.. lame.. haiz.. den went to macdonalds with my 8th mei.. den go home.. wah im late to skool now!!! argh!!!

2004-07-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

*yawn* I woke up quite early todae.. coz i havta meet smone at sembawang at 10.15am.. haha.. my 8th mei meeting me.. now i feel like im more n more drifting away from my mei meis'. haiz.. not dat close as last time.. nyway my 8th mei is christina.. she very active.. like a kid.. but i noe she's not.. she doesdat for a reason.. heehee.. hmmm.. yesterdae nite i hope i change smone.. this smone who is very lost on earth.. with lots of problems cumin head her way.. but nt just her havin those kind.. me 2.. so i hope i helped her.. for a reason, i was very happy chatting with her bou problems n handling them.. *yawn* haha.. another yawn.. later goin to watch Semwinz performing at SAFTI thing.. hope they play well.. nyway gotta go now.. chiaow!

2004-07-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

haiz.. my chatterbox not working.. it was working yesterdae.. n now nt working.. argh..! i cant believe this manz.. last i had a blog using bloggy, i hav nthing wrong with my chatterbox.. wat the hell.. Azwan help wat happened manz? haiz.. not just dat.. my chatterbox nt working n even my mood not working haiz.. i'll back blogging later in the afternoon.. got no mood to write a long one..

2004-07-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

wheeeee........ my blog is done! hahaha.. finish it within 24hr.. hmmm... wat shall i write.. woke up this morning just to create my blog.. hahaha.. den after dat havta go for fridae prayers.. den head to skool.. i havta go all the way to bugis just for an hour class.. dat is so pathetic.. its a very waste of time.. shouldnt hav gone to skool just now.. haiz.. not just waste of time.. but waste of mrt fare.. n guess wat im using the adult fare coz the Ez-link card from NAFA havnt given out yet.. wtf.. adult fare is very expensive.. eats up S$1.59 just for a ride to bugis.. cant survieve manz.. imagine to havta go there everydae.. each dae u lost S$3.18.. within 3 daes u havta top up ur card.. dats one thing.. den the class im havin is Music Tech.. its actually making music using the modern technology.. using computers.. the class is so boring coz its the first dae of dat class.. most of the time is just toking n INTRODUCTION to computers.. wat joke manz.. as if students now a daes dunnoe how to use the cumputers.. i feel like sec 1 again manz when he teach us bout the intro of coms.. my teacher is 5 mins late n he let us go 15 mins early.. we only had 40 mins class.. okie lets count the time i had waste.. hmm.. 45 mins of mrt ride, 40 mins of wasteful junk class n another 45 mins ride home.. n those excluded the time to walk to skool.. haiz.. after my class.. Jovan, Danny n me went to bras basar.. Jovan wanna buy a reed for the alto clarinet.. we went to the shop called swee lee.. also one of the best guitar shop n singapore.. i went in.. n i say, "aik.. change already". haha.. i neva been there for a very long time dats y.. i look at the guitars n frown.. all the guitars r so nice.. especially the ibanez.. but when i look at the price.. i smiled.. coz i will neva get the money for dat kinda guitars.. haha.. den went home.. hmmm.. 30 mins of sleep in the train was enough to make me awake.. when i reach home.. working on my blog again.. den ask my best frien, Azwan, to cum to my house for help.. haha.. u can c his blog if u wanna c.. his name is Rudie under Frienz.. hmm.. quite long already.. cyah again tomorow.. Good nitez guys!